


Breaking Pointe

by WhereTheFunEnds



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ballet, Alternate Universe - Stripper/Exotic Dancer, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Armitage Hux Has Feelings, Armitage Hux Needs A Hug, Armitage Hux/ Rose Tico - Freeform, BDSM, Ballet is Hard but Ben Solo is Harder, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is a Mess, Childhood Friends, Choking, Cunnilingus, Dirty Talk, Dominant Kylo Ren, Eating Disorders, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fingerfucking, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Gingerose, Growing Up Together, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Light BDSM, My First Smut, Not Beta Read, POV Ben Solo, POV Rey (Star Wars), Praise Kink, Protective Ben Solo, Protective Rey (Star Wars), Rey & Rose Tico Are Best Friends, Rey Needs A Hug, Sexual Assault, Size Kink, Slow Burn, Smut, Submissive Rey (Star Wars), Underage Drinking, friends to enemies to lovers?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:20:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 33,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22726063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhereTheFunEnds/pseuds/WhereTheFunEnds
Summary: Ben and Rey had been ballet partners since they were kids, but when Ben is sent to Russia to train with the Bolshoi, Rey is left hurt and alone. As his ballet career is flourishing Rey's is falling apart. Working part time at Alderaan Ballet Studio and part time at Plutt's strip club, Rey is struggling to survive.  When Ben shows up again, years later he and Rey must face the ways they have grown up and that neither of them has been able to stop thinking about the other...
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 109
Kudos: 309





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all,  
> I love ballet but this fic is not going to ignore the problems in the professional ballet world!  
> It will probably get explicit but I haven't ever written any sort of smut so we'll see!  
> I don't have a beta reader so sorry if there are typos.  
> I think this is gonna be a lonnggg fic.  
> Hope you enjoy <3

CHAPTER 1 

_ January _

Six months. That's what Rey had to remind herself as she stood in class listening to Ms. Holdo lecture Kaydel about gaining weight. Six months till Rey would graduate and be done with school. Of course that also filled Rey with anxiety. She didn’t know what would happen then. She’d need a job obviously, a better job than working the desk at the studio. Once she graduated her scholarship won room at the school would disappear and she’d need a place to live. And food. She  _ needed _ to make the company. Rey had dedicated her life to ballet, no her life  _ was  _ ballet. Without Alderaan Ballet Rey would still be starving on the streets. Without  _ Leia  _ Rey would still be starving on the streets. 

Rey was jolted out of her thought by the start of the piano.  _ Fuck.  _ She had spaced out and missed the  _ grand battement  _ combination. Thankfully, she wasn’t at the end of the barre today so she just copied the combination of Bazine in front of her. 

An hour later Rey sat, exhausted, as she put her pointe shoes on and watched the boys filter into the room for Pas De Deux rehearsal. Something in her chest ached when he wasn’t there. Rey had prayed that one day she would stop looking for him at practice, but it had been almost a year and he still seemed to have a permanent place in her brain. Hux had replaced him when he left. Hux was a fine partner, strong, technical, steady, but it wasn’t the same. With Ben, partnering was something else entirely. Maybe it was because they had been paired since she started partner work, but they had a connection. It was like they didn’t even need to talk to know what the other wanted, what they needed. They were always the example in class, they were exactly what a ballet duo should be. Two that are one.

  
  


_ September- 9 months later _

It wasn’t supposed to be like this Rey thought as she smudged the eyeliner under her bottom lashes. She was supposed to be on the other side of town putting on a different type of stage makeup. She should be in a tutu not lingerie. Rey shook her head trying to push those thoughts out. She wasn’t a kid anymore she needed to focus on the task at hand. She put on the fifth coat of mascara intentionally letting it smudge around her eyes. She made the most cash like this. When she looked wrecked. The mix of white lingerie and messed up hair and makeup drove the crowd crazy. At 19 she was the youngest girl working at Plutt’s so she got to play the ruined innocence theme. 

Sometimes on stage she liked to imagine Ben was in the audience. Pretend it was just like rehearsal. She was just completing the combination at hand. He did always like to watch her dance, she liked to imagine he’d like her like this too. Maybe if he saw her like this he’d finally see her as more than the orphan his mom had found and molded into a ballerina. As she gripped the pole, she closed her eyes and embraced the music. Letting the beating rhythm control her body. As her body spun to the music she could almost imagine she were on the Opera House stage and not in the back of a dive bar. 

...

She’s still trying to rub the eyeliner off of her under eyes at work the next day. Rey had kept the desk job at Alderaan even after the injury. Tearing her ACL the week of auditions should’ve been one of the worst things that had happened to Rey in her life, but it definitely wasn’t. The company couldn’t take her. It didn’t matter how much Leia thought of her as a daughter or how much Luke thought her “spirit shone while she danced.” They can’t hire a dancer who can’t dance. Working the desk didn’t pay nearly enough but it did let her take classes for free so she kept it even once she started at Plutts. 

Rey had slowly been easing back into ballet for the last couple months. She needed to get into the company in the January auditions. Another year like this one wasn’t an option. 

Holdo was late for class that afternoon. As Rey stretched at the barre and watched the clock tick, she couldn’t help but hope that Holdo was sick or something and class would be canceled. She had promised herself to take at least one class a day but if class was canceled, she wasn’t exactly skipping. Unfortunately Amilyn showed up only five minutes late, rushing into the studio.

“I’m sorry I’m late, I have a meeting but your substitute is running late so until they get here, I’ll teach.” Holdo says as she starts class. 

Halfway through rond de jambes Rey hears the studio door open as the substitute finally shows up.

“Finally, you’d think for once you could be on time!” Holdo snaps at the poor substitute.

“Good to see you too Amilyn.” the substitute responds.

“Ben.” Rey whispers before the name even processes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Barre was torture. Well, barre was usually torture but it was even worse today. Between Leia’s critiques and the glances Ben kept giving her as though he knew what she was thinking about, Rey felt as though she wanted the ground to swallow her. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2!  
> I can't believe how many people have read this!  
> Hope y'all enjoy it getting a little more spicyyyyyy...

CHAPTER 2

It’s a big class. He hasn’t seen her. That's what Rey tells herself at first. That’s why he hasn’t so much as looked at her since he came into the room. His combinations would’ve been difficult if it hadn’t been him giving them, but with the added stress of who was giving them made them impossible. Rey’s feet seemed to stumble through each one.

Barre seemed to be over before it started. 

“Alright, get some water everybody. Center starts in two minutes, don’t be late.” Ben says cooly.

The class filtered off to their water bottles and the bathroom until Rey was left alone standing in the middle of the room staring at him. 

“Yes Rey?” Ben asks calmly.

“I-” Rey’s mind frantically searched for what to say. He was somehow taller than he was when he left. And paler. His eyes felt deeper as they bore into her. As though they had seen things that would make her cry.

“- Uh, it’s, uh, it’s good to have you back.” She finally stuttered out. 

He just gave her a nod.

She ran. Well, not quite ran but as close as she could socially acceptably do. Once out of the room she stood behind one of the tall white pillars careful to stay out of view of the windows into the classroom. Her mind raced. What. The. Fuck. 

“ _ Yes Rey?”  _ he had asked as though nothing had happened. As though they’d just been teens in rehearsal together last week and not two years ago. And she? Oh god, she hadn’t been able to even get a proper sentence stuttering all over herself like a mess. Pulling herself together she slowly walked back into the studio for center work.

…

He hadn’t acknowledged her during the rest of class. The thought occupied Rey’s head the entire train ride home from the studio.. She was angry, sure, but maybe worse than the anger was the embarrassment. Had he ever thought of her? What if he has some Russian girlfriend waiting for him to come back? Oh god, why was he even back? Rey hadn’t heard anything about him returning, and working at the desk, you hear  _ everything.  _ It’s not that Alderaan wasn’t world renowned. It  _ is,  _ but still, one doesn’t leave dancing soloist at the freaking Bolshoi to go back to Alderaan. He must just be home for a quick visit or something. Maybe he’s gone by now. Just in town for the day.

As she falls asleep she thinks of flying across the Opera House stage, being held up only by his arms. Her dreams morph the image into something else. Something passionate and heated. Him holding her above him. His hands gripping her hips above his own as they lay naked on stage. Slow movements becoming increasingly needy as he lowered her onto him. Her moans filling the stage as he drew across her skin with wet kisses. Her gasps sounding like the orchestra’s percussion as his teeth raked along her collar bone. The musical sounds his mouth would make as he came in her. She dreamed of their passion and how from the audience, it would look like art. Dance in its purest form. 

…

Rey rubbed her eyes as she entered the studio the next morning. She had slept, rather unfortunately she thought as she would now have to deal with the images her dreams had conjured up. Rey wished she had stayed up all night instead. Even if she would be exhausted today, she wouldn’t feel so guilty. Her anguish became ten times worse the second Ben walked in. Leia was teaching this class which meant that… Ben was taking the class. Sure enough, after she took her spot at the barre Ben took the spot across from her. Barre was torture. Well, barre was usually torture but it was even worse today. Between Leia’s critiques and the glances Ben kept giving her as though he knew what she was thinking about, Rey felt as though she wanted the ground to swallow her. 

After class Leia waved Rey over to her chair in front of the mirror. 

“Rey, darling, how’s the leg?” Leia asked gently.

“Good! It hasn’t been bothering me at all.” Rey said.

“Perfect. Lando is going to Paris for a couple months and needs someone to take over his classes. I don’t have another instructor who is properly qualified to teach the full time students, however, I believe that if you and Ben were to co teach that would be satisfactory…” Leia suggested.

“Thank you Leia, thank you so much, really, but I can’t take your offer on in my schedule right now…”

“I know darling, waitressing is a time consuming job but, teaching would also pay, instead of working at the desk I would move you to teaching and you would receive a small raise…”

Rey hadn’t told Leia she was working at Plutts. Rey wasn’t a liar, she hated lying but it was better than telling Leia she put her ballet training to good use  _ stripping. _ If she got a raise from teaching and could work even one day less at Plutt’s it would be worth it. Even if it would mean spending hours with Ben each week.

“I’ll do it.” Rey told the woman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to give thoughts, or advice in the comments, I love it all!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“Hold still.” He said, leaning down towards her face.  
> Rey’s heart was beating out of her chest in confusion and anticipation for his touch."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important question y'all.  
> Should I start writing some chapters from Ben's perspective?  
> Hope y'all enjoy this one!

CHAPTER 3

Rey was yawning when she arrived at Alderaan. She’d made a lot the previous night at Plutt’s but it took its toll on her. Leia had texted her asking to meet at 10 AM and Rey would be there, even if it meant she only got four hours of sleep. 

She knocked twice on Leia’s office door before slowly opening the door.

“Oh, perfect Rey, just on time.” Leia was sitting behind her desk perched on her chair. Rey remembers when Leia got the chair, she made sure it was taller than normal chairs so that Leia could seem intimidating. Rey had laughed at the thought. Leia was plenty intimidating even being barely five foot.

Ben was sitting in one of the chairs looking over his shoulder at Rey as she entered. Sitting down in the last empty chair Rey nervously tucked her feet under the seat. 

“Now that the two of you are here, let me start explaining the work. There are two classes I need you to take, and no splitting the work, you need to both teach both of them. You’ll take grades 10 and 12. Ten is fairly self explanatory and will just require attending all classes. 12 is more difficult as you will need to choreograph their graduation piece for the spring. Rey, you graduated so you know what is needed for a graduation piece and I expect you to fill Ben in on it.” Leia informed them. Leia told them their class hours as well as pay. It was a big enough raise that she’d only have to work Plutt's three days a week if she kept up her tipping rate. That would mean she could spend more time in the studio preparing for company auditions. Rey mentally thanked Lando for his last minute change of plans. 

Calling her name, Ben stopped Rey in the hallway leaving Leia’s office.

She turns to face him as he approaches. They stand there for a second that feels like an eternity as he looks down at her. 

“We should start choreographing for the graduation piece…” He says clearing his throat. 

“Yeah, do you have a piece in mind?” Rey says slowing down as he reaches his hand towards her face.

She slowly leans back away from, her eyebrows knit together in confusion.

“Hold still.” He said, leaning down towards her face.

Rey’s heart was beating out of her chest in confusion and anticipation for his touch.

He curled his fingers, his knuckles grazing across her cheek as he dragged his thumb under her eye. 

“Your eyeliner, it was smudged.” He said standing back up to his full height.

“Oh, uh, thanks, do you have a song in mind?” Rey said, trying not to linger on the feeling of his fingers on her face or how his outstretched hand was practically the size of her whole face.

“Yeah, I’ll play it for you tonight. We can meet and start choreography…” He said.

“I can’t. I have to work.” 

“This  _ is  _ your work.” Ben chided.

“Yeah, but it’s not my only work. We can start tomorrow.” Rey said, annoyed by his usual sense of self importance. 

“Fine, see you tomorrow. Studio 2, 8 PM sharp.” He said, running his hand through his thick black hair.

“Yeah, I’ll see you there.”

…

The crowd was huge at Plutt’s that night. Being a Friday night as well as having a bachelor party there should mean Rey will make a lot.Rey was known for her pole tricks at the club. While some of the other girls had dance backgrounds, none were as prestigious as Rey’s was. When she’d started the tricks came easy. She discovered the heels didn’t feel all that different from her own pointe shoes. She’d started climbing the pole quickly and now, several months in she easily hung from the top of the pole by just a hand.

  
Rey slowly spun around the top of the pole wrapping her body around it into a fetal position. She loved this feeling. Being suspended above the crowd. She felt safe in the air like this, turning and being admired while  _ Grimes  _ music blared in the background. Rey flipped over thudding to the ground as the song ended. That was definitely going to bruise she thought as she slinked off the stage.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What do you want Rey?” He asks.
> 
> “What do I want?” She echoed.
> 
> “Yes, Rey, what do you want from me.” He clarifies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight eating disorder trigger warning for this chapter.  
> Bit of a longer chapter today...  
> Still not sure if I should write some from Ben's perspective, let me know!

CHAPTER 4

Saturday was usually a long day at Alderaan for Rey. Between her two ballet classes and working the desk, she usually didn’t get home until 9 or so. Today though, would be even longer. The hours seemed to drag by as Rey anxiously waited for her choreography session with Ben. She’d decided she needed answers, and tonight she was going to get them. Why was he back? How long is he staying? Why does he treat her like he doesn’t care about her? These questions seemed to haunt Rey day and night since he returned. Rey knows it’s impossible for him to feel as much for her as she feels for him but, they were partners for years. They were  _ friends. _ Had he really forgotten her so much? Had he forgotten how good they were?

Eventually 7:50 rolled around and Rey left Mando, the new intern, to close up. As students slowly filtered out of the ballet school Rey made her way to the changing room changing into a grey backless leotard. She decided to leave her hair down letting it fall to her waist. Rey had always kept it short before coming to the academy. When you didn’t know where you would be living next week or if you could afford shampoo, long hair was a ridiculous dream. Now it reminded her of how far she’d come. It reminded her that she wasn’t a scared orphan girl anymore. 

Studio 2 was empty when Rey got there. Flipping on the light, she rolled her eyes. Of course Ben was late, why would she expect otherwise. Regardless, it gave her time to use the studio alone which she never passed up. Plugging her phone into the speakers she pulled up her classical playlist and let the music sweep her off her feet. She twisted and spun, barely feeling the floor beneath her feet as she spirited around the room. Rey felt bodiless, as though she were just a soul free and unchained. She didn’t notice the man standing in the doorway, watching her like a hawk. She didn’t notice until the song ended and she stood, breathing heavily looking right at him. 

“Slavonic March. Tchaikovsky. That’s the piece we should choreograph.” Ben said breaking eye contact with her as he walked into the room. He was wearing grey sweatpants and a tight white tee shirt which he somehow made to look elegant. 

“Don’t you think Tchaikovsky is a little over done for a ballet performance?” Rey asked, taking a swig of water from her water bottle. 

“It’s  _ Tchaikovsky _ , Rey, it  _ can’t  _ be over done.” Ben says exasperatedly.

“Fine…” Rey concedes. 

Ben unplugged Rey’s phone and plugs his own in to play the piece. Rey hadn’t heard it before. It was perfect. It had sections for a Pas De Deux, solos, everything they needed to put in the piece. The piece practically screamed Ben. It was strong and aggressive, commanding her attention but at the same time was beautiful and melancholic. 

“We should start with the Pas De Deux. It’s untraditional, I know, but the piece calls for it…” Rey explained once the piece had finished.

“Exactly, and then transition into a quartet for the second section and then it builds into the whole group…” He continues.

It doesn’t take long for them to hash out the details of the layout for the piece. They seem to have the same thoughts on it. Rey pulls out her notebook and they start talking through choreography. Ben keeps suggesting things that are too difficult for the graduating class and Rey has to remind him that he’s not at the Bolshoi anymore. Ben argues that the class can’t handle it because they haven’t been pushed to do it. 

“Is this what they do in Russia? Push you to do things you can’t?” Rey asks exasperated.

“Oh, because American ballet is so perfect. Remind me, how many dancers died of eating disorders in American ballet companies this decade?” Ben retorts.

“I’m not sure, how many Russian ballerina’s were forced into prostitution this decade Ben?” Rey argues.

“Rey, the ballet world is  _ fucked  _ think we can both agree on that.” Ben concedes.

“Oh come on Ben, what has ballet done to you? You’re rich, tall, a man, you carry a  _ legacy. _ Even the Russian schools wanted you, and you know how rare it is for the Russian’s to take an American into their rienks. Ballet has been nothing but kind to you.” Rey says. 

“Rey, I don’t know if you have forgotten who I am, or what, but ballet has  _ not  _ been kind to me and you know that.” Ben responds.

“I haven’t forgotten who you are Ben, but I don’t know if I know you anymore. You’ve been gone for years, and you never told me why you left, you haven’t told me why you’re back, you haven’t had a conversation with me since I was 16!” Rey said, her voice cracking in anguish.

Ben looked at her, his expression unreadable. 

“What do you want Rey?” He asks.

“What do I want?” She echoed.

“Yes, Rey, what do you want from me.” He clarifies.

She stares at him dumbfounded. 

“I don’t… what do  _ you  _ want from  _ me _ ?” She says, turning his question back on him.

“Don’t make this about me Rey-”

“This  _ is  _ about you, Ben.  _ You  _ moved to Russia without bothering to even say bye,  _ you _ came back and acted as though we didn’t know each other, as though we weren’t friends before you left… so yes Ben, this  _ is  _ about you. If you want to be friends again, tell me. If you don't bother with friends anymore, tell me.” Rey interrupts.

“I want to dance with you again.” Ben whispers.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She wasn’t thinking. Just feeling. Just being here, at this moment with his hands on her. Supporting her. Holding her above the world."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the updates are slightly less regular this week, I have some essays to write for college.  
> Hope you enjoy the chapter!

CHAPTER 5

“I want to dance with you again.” Ben had whispered.  
The words shocked Rey. Not because of their contents but because they were the words she had been thinking since he came back.  
She wanted to dance with him too. God, she wanted to dance with him with her entire being… but she needed to stand up for herself.  
“I want to dance with you too… but I don’t want you to ignore me. You can’t pretend you don’t know me during the day and then sweep in and ask me to dance with you at night…” Rey says softly.  
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt yo-” Ben apologizes.  
“You didn’t hurt me.” Rey interrupts defensively.  
“I’m sorry I didn’t treat you like I should have. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you when I was leaving, and I didn’t write or anything… I just, I’m not very good at… having friends.”   
“I’m not either but, you need to remember… you’re not alone.” Rey says.  
“Neither are you.” He says reaching his hand out towards her.   
Rey felt warm despite the cool studio air as she took his hand and followed him to the center.   
With a light tug from Ben, he pulls her to face him. As his other hand gently finds hers, their eyes meet.   
There’s no choreography they’re following, just a feeling. A pull. The music is done but it doesn’t matter. As they push and pull, moving around each other, hands tracing bodies, time seems to melt away. It’s not quite ballet, they stand too close for it to be ballet, as though they were magnets being tugged together by a greater force. 

Ben pulled her hand guiding her into a pirouette that ended with his hands on her waist holding her inches from his chest. She focused on the white fabric on his collarbone, not daring to look up at his face. His hands slide down to her hips and as she feels them tense she plies. He lifts her as she jumps and suddenly she is flying. She arches her back holding her legs in the air. His hands are steady on her hips as he walks. Slowly he tilts her hips, bringing her down over his shoulder. She slowly lowers to sit on his shoulder before leaning to the side until she is draped over him like a shawl. She brings her top leg up, pointing it straight into the air. As he slowly turned them his hand traced up her leg that was slung over his chest. He gripped her upper thigh with one hand and pushed her up into the air above his head, his other hand on Rey’s hip. She wasn’t thinking. Just feeling. Just being here, at this moment with his hands on her. Supporting her. Holding her above the world. The feeling was the same as when she worked at Plutts. No, this was different. If that was champagne, this was vodka. The realization that she climbed the pole as a way to replace this made Rey want to vomit. Her balance was shaken by the thought and she started to tilt off his hands. Ben stumbled and they landed on the floor a pile of limbs. Rey was shaking and she scurried off of him.   
“I’m sorry, it’s my-” She started to say, her voice cracking.  
“It’s okay, You’re jus- We’re just tired.” He said as he stood.  
“I need to go. It’s late. I’ll see you around.” She said, still shaken as she hurriedly pulled her sweatpants and tank top on.  
“I’ll give you a ride.” He offered, his breath heavy from exertion.  
“No, it’s fine, I usually take the train.”   
“Rey, it’s pouring outside.”  
“It’s fine, I can handle a bit of water Ben.” She said as she shoved her water bottle bottle into her duffle bag.   
“I know-” He started to clarify.  
“I’ll see you around Ben.” She interrupted, walking out of the studio leaving Ben.

He was right Rey thought as she opened the door to the studio. It was pouring. She stood there in the doorway for a couple moments. Bracing herself for the rain. It was August and the morning had been hot and humid. Rey hadn’t thought she’d need a jacket. Idiot she thought to herself as she looked at her green tank top.   
She stepped out into the rain and let out a big huff of breath as it soaked her practically instantly. Her arms were covered in goosebumps as she pulled her duffel bag closer to her body, tucking her head down in preparation for the half mile walk to the train station.  
“Rey, comeon. Just let me drive you!” Ben shouted over the rain.   
Rey flipped around to see him standing in the door, The Entryway light pouring out around him like a mandorla.   
“I’m not going to be able to sleep until I know you’re home safe and didn’t slip and break your ankle or get hypothermia!” He pleaded striding down the steps to stand next to her.  
Rey took one look back towards the street before turning back to him and nodding.  
He reached out and clasped her hand before the took off, Rey trying to keep up with his long legs as she followed him to his car. A moment later the doors of the falcon were slamming shut.   
“Han let you take the falcon?” Rey asked curiously.  
“He might not exactly know that I borrowed her…” Ben said, a mischievous smile creeping across his face.  
“Oh, he’s going to kill you Ben.” She said, shaking her head.  
“He might try.” Ben conceded. As he flipped the key of the grey vintage Ford, he turned to her.  
“So Rey, where to?”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She should really shower, but the thought of showering feels wrong. Washing him off of her. Her hands trace down to her waist where his had been that evening. Rey squeezes her eyes shut, trying to remember how they looked in the reflection of the studio mirror. This is stupid Rey thought. She needed to go to sleep and get Ben Solo out of her head."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update took so long!  
> Do y'all want a chapter from Ben's perspective at some point? Or should I say pointe? ;)

CHAPTER 6

Rey puts her address in Ben’s phone and hands it back to him. Rey watches him as he puts up on the dashboard. The heavy patter of the rain storm drowns out Rey’s thoughts as she watches his hands grip the steering wheel. Rey is entranced, watching him drive. She is sure her breathing must be heavy and she thanks god that the loud drumming of the rain drowns it out. 

“Why are you staring at me?” He finally says, keeping his eyes on the road.

“No reason.” Rey says. Blushing, she pulls her knees to her chest and wraps her arms around them.

“It’s not fair.” He says simply before flipping the windshield wipers onto a higher setting.

“What’s not fair?”

“That you get to look at me when I can’t look at you.” Ben sighs.

“Fine, sorry, I won’t look at you.” She concedes.

“I didn’t say you couldn’t look at me.” he specifies.

The comment leaves Rey’s brain buzzing.

“Do your knees hurt?” He asks a moment later.

“What? Oh, uh not much.” Rey says, grateful he can’t see her embarrassed face as she thinks about how she got them.

“Are you taking modern?” He asks. He thinks she got her bruises from modern… something about his naivety makes Rey’s heart hurt.

“No, I just tripped at work.” It’s not a lie. Not exactly. It’s just that she tripped on a pole not a restaurant chair like he thinks. Rey examines his face, trying to detect if he caught her lie. His face is still.

The rest of the car ride is filled with only the pitter patter of the rain.

“See you around, Rey.” He says leaning over to look at her as she climbs out of the  _ falcon. _

“See you around, Ben.” Rey confirmed before racing through the rain and into her apartment building.

Rey is thankful she doesn’t have work tomorrow as she crashes onto her bed. She lies staring up at the white ceiling as she thinks. She should really shower, but the thought of showering feels wrong. Washing him off of her. Her hands trace down to her waist where his had been that evening. Rey squeezes her eyes shut, trying to remember how they looked in the reflection of the studio mirror.  _ This is stupid _ Rey thought. She needed to go to sleep and get Ben Solo out of her head. Rey succeeded in her first quest but her dreams were full of him.

…

“Rey! Rey! This is  _ so  _ important you  _ need _ to get up!” Rose says shaking Rey awake.

“What is it Rose.” Rey groans turning onto her back and slowly sitting up to look at her friend.

“Finn says that Kaydel says that Mando told her Armitage thinks I’m pretty!” Rose gasps out as she dramatically falls down on the bed next to Rey. Rey looks over at the girl to find her grinning ear to ear.

“Well obviously…” Rey says matter of factly.

“What do you mean well obviously?” Rose says, visibly confused.

“I mean that you  _ are _ pretty so of course he thinks you’re pretty.” Rey says squeezing rose into a tight hug.

Not five minutes out of Hux’s first class at the academy had Rose decided she was in love with the tall Russian boy. They were opposites. Well, they seemed to be at least. Rey had never had a conversation with Hux that lasted more than a couple words. He was tall and Rose was short. He was pale, she was tan. He was reserved and quiet, Rose was a ball of energy. Maybe they would be good for each other. He better be good for Rose because if he’s not and Rose gets hurt, Rey  _ will  _ hit him in the head with a pointe shoe. No question about it.

Rey looks over at her alarm clock which reads 9 AM. 

“Rosseeee, we gotta go to class…” Rey groans.

“I know, I know, I know,  _ and  _ its sunday which means  _ Armitage  _ will be there for the company morning barre. Rey, you’ve gotta help me pick out my leotard.” Rose pleads.

…

Rose spends most of class flirting with Hux. Rey watches them as she unties her pointe shoes. Rose is standing with her hip out smiling up at Hux as they speak. A minute later Rose scurries over to Rey, plopping down on the marley next to her. 

“Rey! Hux invited me to a party tonight. You  _ need  _ to come with me!” Rose pleads.

“Rose…” Rey says starting to decline.

“Rey,  _ please. _ It sounds like a proper party. Like, at a club, you need to be my wingwoman.” Rose says, giving Rey her best puppy dog eyes.

A couple hours Rey is reluctantly helping Rose get ready for the party. 

“Red or Blue?” Rose asks Rey, holding up two dresses.

“Definitely blue.” Rey says before turning back to her makeup. She doesn’t wear much makeup unless she’s at Plutts. It’s not that she doesn’t enjoy wearing makeup, it's just that between sweating it all off at ballet and trying to let her skin breathe after her nights at Plutt’s it doesn’t usually make sense. Today Rey opts for Silver glitter on her eyes and mascara.

…

The club is loud. Between the strobing lights and pulsing music Rey’s head feels like it’s in a vice. Rose spots Hux and drags Rey through the crowd. Hux is standing around a table with Kaydel, Bazine, and Finn.  _ fuck. _ Rose neglected to tell Rey that it was a  _ company  _ party. It’s not that Rey would say she’s not friends with her old classmates anymore. It’s just that Rey put distance between them since her injury. Since she didn’t make the company. They were living her dream. They were training for Swan Lake while she was stripping. 

“Rey!” Kaydel lights up upon seeing her. She hurries around the table and gives Rey a hug.

“Rose finally managed to drag you out of your hermitude. Thank God.” Bazine laughs before embracing her. Rey smiles. She has missed this. Just a couple more months till she can re audition for the company.

“Rey?” A familiar voice behind her says.

“Tai.” Rey groans turning to see her ex walking up behind her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Fuck, Rey.” He groaned as her body pressed against his. She lifted her hands wrapping them around his neck as he squeezed his eyes shut. He angled his face up as though he were praying and Rey gently brushed her lips over the exposed base of his neck.

CHAPTER 7

Rey hadn’t seen Tai since graduation. Heck, she had barely  _ thought  _ of Tai since graduation. 

“Hey, Tai…” Rey said, trying to hide her grimace.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.” Tai says pulling her into a tight hug.

Rey sees Ben walking up behind Tai. She probably would’ve been freaking out to see Ben again but she was a bit preoccupied by Tai’s never ending hug. 

_ Help _ . Rey mouthed to Ben. He looked confused for a second then understood.

“Tai, I got your drink.” Ben said reaching out to Tai, offering a cocktail and subsequently causing Tai to let go of Rey and get his drink.

_ Thanks.  _ Rey mouthed to Ben while Tai was grabbing his drink. Ben gave a curt nod back.

Rey turned away from the boys, looking for Rose. She spotted the girl sitting next to Hux as they faced each other having a passionate conversation about something Rey couldn’t hear. 

“So, how’ve you been Rey?” Tai said, raising his voice over the music. Rey reached and grabbed the drink from Tai’s hand. Taking a long sip, her face scrunching up as the burning liquid hit her throat. She shoved the drink back into his hand before speaking. As Tai’s mouth opened to interject, probably something about her being a lightweight she cut him off. 

“Let’s dance!” Rey responded, willing to do  _ anything  _ to get out of this conversation.

Tai nodded enthusiastically. He started to walk backwards into the crowd, as though he was afraid if he turned away from her, Rey would disappear. She supposed that’s fair since she definitely  _ would  _ disappear if he gave her the opportunity. Rey started to follow him, and as she passed Ben she reached her hand out and grabbed his. Dragging him with her.

“Rey, I don’t wanna dance!” Ben shouted into her ear, pulling his hand out of hers as they edged onto the dance floor.

“Please… please Ben, I’ll owe you one!” Rey shouted back up at the man.

She watched his chest heave with a sigh as he continued to follow her. Soon Tai was dancing facing her as the crowd writhed to Doja Cat. Rey faced Ben grabbing his hands. She pulled his massive frame towards her. He was thrown off guard for a moment before recovering himself. Dancing like this with Ben felt entirely different than in the studio. This felt more dangerous. Physically, Rey knew it was  _ safer _ but it didn’t feel that way.  _ This _ felt risky. His hands dropping to her waist and pulling her body to him. She smelled his eucalyptus deodorant mixed with sweat as they danced. It was intoxicating. It was  _ Ben. _ The song changed and Ben’s hands slid down to her hips, tracing her movements as her hips ground in the air. Rey’s brain was buzzing with the sensation of they’re body’s so close, of his hot breath hitting her ear as he craned his neck down to be closer to her. Or maybe it was the alcohol that mader her brain buzz. 

“ _ Fuck, Rey. _ ” He groaned as her body pressed against his. She lifted her hands wrapping them around his neck as he squeezed his eyes shut. He angled his face up as though he were praying and Rey gently brushed her lips over the exposed base of his neck. He pulled back slightly in response. Pulling his arms from her hips up to her face, cupping her jaw. Just as he leaned down the sensation hit her and she doubled over, barely caught by his reflexes.

Rey turned and ran till she felt the cold air hit her and she fell to her knees puking up her empty stomach onto the street. She heard Ben crashing out after her, calling her name. He crouched down next to her and pulled her loose hair behind her back with one hand, using the other to grip her shoulder and hold her up. 

Finally, Rey at up, her face covered in tears. 

“Shit, Rey.” Ben said, his eyebrows knit together in worry. He pulled up his black tee shirt and used the bottom to wipe the tears from her face before wiping her mouth with it. Rey said nothing as she sat in humiliation, shaking from the occasional sob. Ben wrapped his arms around her and pulled her up to stand.

“I’ll go get Rose, just uh, stay here Rey.” Ben said.

“No! Leave her, this is my fault...I can’t ruin her night… I’ll just go home.” Rey said, hiccuping.

“Let’s go then. I’ll text Rose so she knows we left.” Ben says suredly.

“No, Ben, stay this is my fault… I shouldn’t have drank. I  _ know  _ I can’t fucking handle my alcaho-”

“Rey, I’m not letting you take the train all the way back to your apartment right now.”

Rey started to stumble as she nodded. Ben steadied her. 

“Come on, I’ll carry you.” Ben sighed.

“No, I can walk!” Rey defended, her sentence interrupted by her hiccups.

“Rey, helping you walk all the way will take twice as long as it will if you just let me carry you.” Ben argued.

“Fine…” Rey agreed.

Ben crouched and pulled her into his arms, hooking his left arm under her knees so that he was carrying her bridal style. Rey wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her head on his shoulder as he began to walk. Before she knew it, the steady swaying of Ben’s steps had lulled her into a deep drunken sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> Should I do a chap from Ben's perspective?


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "In two steps they were at her bed and Rey was being gently lowered onto it. She opened her eyes to the dark room as she sat. Ben was standing towering over her biting his lip. "

“Rey, where’s your key?” Ben panted into Rey's ear, rousing her from her drunken slumber. Rey tilted her head, still half asleep, to expose the silver chain around her neck. He started to loosen his grip around rey and lower her to the ground.   
“No…” Rey whined clutching her arms around his shoulders.  
“Rey, I need the key to open the door and I need you to stand up for a moment so I can get the key or I need you to give me the key.” Ben sighed.  
Rey shook her head.  
“Take it.” She whispered, exposing her neck for the second time.

He paused for a moment and then craned his head down. Rey saw stars when his lips reached her neck. He hesitated there for a moment before she felt his teeth find the chain around her neck. He pulls it up over her head and drops it down to his hand wrapped around her thigh. He shifts her further up his body and bends his knees so that his hand is close enough to insert the key and push her door open.

Ben carried her through the threshold of her and Rose’s apartment.   
“It’s the far door… My room.” Rey said closing her eyes in an attempt to soak up the last moments of this feeling. He nodded and strode across the living room to the door in the far wall. Rey felt his arm move and then heard her door click open. Ben turned them and then she heard another click. The room was suddenly flooded with burning white light and Rey squeezed her eyes shut to try and block it off.  
“Ben!” She said, wincing.  
“Sorry…” He responded, flicking the lightswitch back off.  
In two steps they were at her bed and Rey was being gently lowered onto it. She opened her eyes to the dark room as she sat. Ben was standing towering over her biting his lip.   
“Uh, I’m gonna go, I’ll see you for class tomorrow…” He said, running his hand through his hair.  
“Stay…” Rey said looking up at him.  
“Rey, you’re drunk, I’m going home…” Ben said, shaking his head.  
“No, no, just stay with me? Please? I don’t want to be alone right now.” She said lowering her eyes to his worn Doc Martens.   
“Rey… you’re drunk you don’t know what you want.”  
“Ben, I’m just asking you to lie next to me. Not fuck me. Stop overreacting and help me sleep.” Rey said firmly.  
Ben didn’t say anything as he sat down on the bed next to her. Rey looked at him. His pale face glowing in the soft moonlight of the windows. Then she looked down to his boots. He’d been wearing the same pair since before the Bolshoi, before Russia, before all of it. She looked at them for a long moment. She bent down, reaching for his right shoe before sliding off the bed and kneeling at his feet. She lifted his foot up placing it on her thighs as she started to unlace it.   
“Rey, you don’t have to-” He started to interject.  
She shushed him and slipped the boot off his foot before reaching for his left. She made quick work of the second boot and lowered his feet back to the ground. She rocked back and up onto her feet. She reached down for the hem of her dress and lifted it over her head as she walked to her dresser. Rey didn’t think anyone would be seeing her underwear when she put them on today, least of all that Ben would be seeing them. Her grey bralette and underwear had been relatively nice at one point but now they were well worn in. She turned back to him briefly and his eyes flickered up from her body to look back at her. His adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed. Pulling open her top drawer she grabbed an old tee shirt, before pulling it over her head. 

She walked over to the bed her hips swaying out of laze rather than seduction. She reached her hand out, grabbing Ben’s arm gently when she reached him. Her fingers traced down along his arm till they reached his fingers. He turned to face her as she gently pulled him down next to her. They lay there, her bare knees touching his denim clad ones. One of his hands sprawled between them, the other resting on her shoulder. His thumb gently drawing circles on her skin. The movement, the moment, the alcohol, it was too much. Tears flooded into Rey’s eyes, blurring Ben’s image as they overtook her and she let out a brutal sob. She curled in on herself, her emotions running rampant. Ben pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug. He held her like that, until the dark warmth of sleep overwhelmed them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!  
> All thoughts and or critiques are appreciated!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their legs interlaced as she lay with her head on his chest. His heavy arm draped over her, holding her in place. She could feel the soft rise and fall of his chest, the light pounding of his heart. Rey shifted her head, lightly nuzzling her cheek against his soft tee shirt as she basked in the morning sunlight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be prepared for lots of fluff in this chapter!  
> Hope you all enjoy <3

Rey woke up first. They had moved in the night, no longer were they seperated by dignity. Their legs interlaced as she lay with her head on his chest. His heavy arm draped over her, holding her in place. She could feel the soft rise and fall of his chest, the light pounding of his heart. Rey shifted her head, lightly nuzzling her cheek against his soft tee shirt as she basked in the morning sunlight. 

Rey’s door suddenly swung open. 

“Rey are yo-” Rose’s words trail off as she digests the scene in front of her. 

Rey carefully sits up, slowly pulling out her left hand from being tucked under Ben’s back. It’s nearly numb from his weight. Rey slowly crawls off the bed as Rose frantically waves her hands, jumping up and down, pointing her feet so as not to creak the floorboards. 

“Oh. My. God. Rey why is he still here? In our apartment? In your room? In your  _ bed? _ I mean, Obviously his pants are still on but,  _ you _ are in your underwear… When he said he was taking you home because you were drunk I thought he would just drop you off at the door, not  _ sleep  _ in your  _ bed _ . Rey, did he touch you? Oh god, I shouldn’t have let him take you home-”

“Rose.” Rey said cutting the girl off and putting her hands on the shorter girls shoulders.

“He didn’t touch me, well not more than comforting me. I, oh god, I practically begged him to stay, he didn’t want to… Rose, he  _ carried me all the way back.  _ I slept on his shoulder! Oh Rose this is humiliating I was  _ so  _ drunk, and he just took care of me like I was a kid or something…”

“Rey, it’s not embarrassing is sweet. You  _ should  _ make it up to him though…” Rose meanders.

“How? Unless  _ he _ gets plastered off his ass, how on earth am I supposed to make it up to him?” Rey asks frantically.

“I dunno Rey, feed him or something! I gotta go to work. Please for the love of god keep me updated I need  _ all  _ the details.”

“Alright, love you Flower” Rey says kissing Rose on the cheek as she turns and leaves.

Making pancakes turned out to be a lot harder than she thought it was going to be. Even once she had tried her best to mix up a batter, the batter burned. Butter, she’d forgotten to put butter in the pan. Suddenly a loud screeching beeping noise was emanating from the fire alarm. 

“Shit!” Rey exclaimed. She climbed up on the counter trying to reach the alarm. She was on her knees, the cool tiling of the counter digging into her knees as she reached towards the ceiling.

“Rey? What’re you- Oh let me.” Ben said stumbling into the kitchen, his eyes blinking away the sleep.

He stood in front of her counter and reached up, resetting the alarm. He then reached forward and grabbed Rey’s waist, lifted her off the counter so she was pinned between him and the tiles.

“So open the window.” He said looking down at her.

Rey slid out from her cage and scurried to the window opening it and letting the crisp spring air fill the apartment. When she turned back Ben was flipping the stove off, holding the smoking pan in his other hand. He walked over to the sink placing the pan there. Rey inquisitively watched as Ben leaned forward, squinting his eyes at the contents of the pan.

“Pancakes?” He asked, with a sly grin on his face.

“Uhh yeah, I just thought, you know, you might be hungry and I kinda owe you one, well, I think I owe you a couple at this point… But I don’t really know how to cook and it turned out to be a lot harder than I thought it would be and-”

“Rey, it was sweet, and I  _ am  _ hungry but, you don’t owe me, that’s not how this works.” Ben says, leaning against the sink.

“How what works?” Rey enquires.

“Friendship.” Ben answers.

Rey swallows. Right. Friendship.

“Let’s get breakfast. You and me. Besides, we have to be at the studio to teach in what two hours? Dancing on an empty stomach is hell.” Ben offers.

“Don’t you have to go get your stuff for class?”

“No, I keep a bag at work.” Ben says.

Rey showers first. Once she has sufficiently scrubbed the previous night off her body she wraps a towel around her body and pads into the kitchen. To see Ben sitting at the table eating cereal. 

“Aren’t we going out for breakfast?” Rey asks, soft water drops sliding off her hair and hitting the floor.

“Oh yeah, Uh, I just eat cereal a lot… I figured you wouldn’t mind…” Ben trails off.

“Not at all, I’d let you eat my cereal any day…” Rey chuckles before realizing it sounded rather like a euphemism.

“Uh it’s Rose’s anyways and the showers open.” Rey says trying to hide the embarrassed flush in her cheeks.

She hears the shower go on once she’s in the safety of her room. She slides on her tights and then a sage green leotard. She flips a lilac sundress over her head before the thought occurs to her. 

“Ben?” She calls through the bathroom door once she hears the water go off.

A second later the door swings open to reveal Ben standing in front of her, a towel wrapped low around his hips. 

“It occurred to me, I don't have pants that would fit you, but I could at least lend you a clean tee shirt…”

“Rey, I don’t think your tee shirts are going to fit me either.” Ben says.

“No, they will, I like big tee shirts. This one will, at least I think it will.” Rey says shoving her favorite pyjama tee shirt at his chest. As soon as his hands wrap around it she turns and leaves.

A couple minutes later Ben walks into the kitchen. 

“A Knights of Ren shirt? Rey, you really are cruel aren’t you?” Ben says with slight laughter in his tone.

“What Ben? You don’t proudly show off your days as the lead singer of a rock band?” Rey responds sarcastically teasing him.

“Not a high school rock band called the  _ Knights of Ren  _ for gods sake. Besides, why do you even still have this, that's my question. We only made tee shirts once so you must’ve had this for what, five years?”

“Look, it’s just comfortable!” Rey deflects as Ben laces his boots.

“Oh sure, that’s the only reason you kept this painful reminder of my emo phase around…” Ben scoffs.

“Okay okay fine… maybe I kept it because it makes me laugh,  _ but _ don’t try and pretend your emo phase was a phase, or at least it’s not a phase that’s  _ over. _ ” Rey teases.

They took the train to Rey’s favorite breakfast place and ate pancakes. Ben teased her about her tragic attempt at cooking. His eyes crinkling up as he laughed. Rey ate almost as much as Ben did. When they were done they walked to the studio, Rey going in a couple minutes before Ben did afte Ben pointed out that Leia would  _ freak  _ if they showed up together. Unfortunately Leia Organa is much more perceptive than either of them thought.

  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something was wrong, every step Rey took she felt guilty about. She was doing something wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexual assault trigger warning!  
> I updated the tags too.  
> Sorry yall, this ones a rough one.  
> If you feel you may be triggered I will put a brief chapter summary in the end notes!

CHAPTER 10

Neither Rey nor Ben had ever taught a class before today. Rey struggled to give corrections, Ben struggled to understand that they were teaching thirteen year olds, not professionals. Together though, they made it work. Rey should’ve been happy. The sun was shining, She was nearing spending 24 hours with Ben but the end of class… and yet, Rey’s anxiety grew throughout the day.

She had to work Plutts tonight. It felt wrong. The idea of being near naked in front of so many people made her want to vomit. The chastised herself for this. She’d been doing this for months, and now she can’t stomach it? Rey prided herself on her ability to survive on her own, yet here she was feeling unable to do the thing she needed to do to keep living? 

Rey’s nausea was even worse on the train home from the studio. She felt as though her ribs were constricting in on her. Trapping her. 

Rose was still at work when Rey got home and she was grateful. She couldn’t face Rose like this. Rose knows her too well, she’d know something was up. Then again, Rey knew something was up too, she just didn’t know  _ what.  _ Something was wrong, every step Rey took she felt guilty about. She was doing something wrong. 

Rey grabbed her work bag from home and changed out of her dress into sweats and sneakers before leaving for work. 

The feeling stuck with her even as she prepared backstage at Plutt’s. She burned herself curing her hair. Too distracted by her anxiety to do a good job. Her red lingerie felt like putting a lock on the cage that was her body. 

Soon it was time for Rey to go up. She couldn’t focus, nearly tripping in her heels. She spun around the pole as men shouted at her. Hollering when she ground her hips against the metal bar. She walked around the stage, offbeat and in a haze. She turned near the edge of the stage and lost her balance. Soon the floor was plummeting towards her. She didn’t hit the floor though. A man had his arms wrapped around her clutching her lingerie clad body against his. He’d caught her. She looked up as he lowered her to the ground. He had grey thinning hair and grey eyes. He didn’t let go of her.

“Hey there, sweetie…” He said smirking. Some of his buddies stood around them laughing. 

He spoke as his right hand moved up her stomach and squeezed her breast.

“You didn’t have to just off the ledge to get me to touch you, ya coulda just asked....” He chuckled.

“Get off me!” Rey shrieked trying to writhe out of his grasp. She clutched his hand, trying to pull it off of her.

“Aww, you’ve got so much spirit, you’re just a little spitfire aren’t you… A little kitten who needs a good declawing.”

_ Where the fuck is Plutt. _ Rey thought frantically as she looked around, someone should be helping her. 

The man holding her flipped her and ground against her ass. Rey saw now that Phasma was dancing. Nobody was coming from her. 

The man grabbed her hips pulling her in to his body. Rey’s arms were free now. She leaned forward and elbowed the man in the face. She heard a loud crack as he let her go to clutch his nose. She didn’t look back at him, she just ran. Rey pushed through the crowd in a panic until she reached the door to back stage. 

The door slammed shut behind her and Rey stumbled to her desk, pulling her heels off. Her ears rung as she pulled her sweatpants and sweatshirt on over her lingerie. Her hands were shaking as she grabbed her duffel bag and pulled her sneakers on. 

She walked home in a trance. The scenery changing around her from the dark streets, to the bright train, eventually to her lonely room. 

The world was muffled and still around her. Her thoughts were limited to observations. The air was warm and humid, like breath. The train was cold and harsh, like people. Her room was shadowed and solitary, like her. Her dreams were dark and blank. 

Her morning alarm went off. Rey woke, showered and dressed. The sun was hot and harsh as she went to work. The studio was cold. She taught class with Ben. She gave corrections. Point your toes, head up, don’t sickle your foot.

Ben talked to her after class. Said something about choreography. Rey nodded. She went to class, her muscles ached. She walked home. She went to Plutt’s. 

She put her makeup on, slowly and delicately drawing the messy black lines onto her face. Rey curled her hair carefully, methodically wrapping the strands around her curler. She ties her white lingerie around her body and slips her feet into white stilettos. 

As the song changes she pushes the heavy curtains of the stage aside and slips through them, letting the bright lights of the stage wash over her. 

The club is full but the noise of hollers and applause are muffled. The pole is slippery, no her hands are sweating. The lights are hot. The music thuds in Rey’s ears. Her eyes travel over the crowd. 

_ Ben.  _

No, that can’t be right. 

_ Ben.  _

No, not here. Rey’s mind was playing tricks on her. Cruel tricks.

_ Ben. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically, Rey is struggling with anxiety and then some bad things happen while she is working at Plutt's.  
> The chapter ends with Rey thinking she sees Ben standing in the audience and the club.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He pounded his fist to the door again and the door opened just a crack. Rey’s hazel eyes widened at the sight of him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one night??!!! Yep!  
> AND, this one is from our Benny boy's perspective!

CHAPTER 11

Rey had been acting strange during class. She seemed like her mind was somewhere else while her body was in the studio. 

It wasn’t until she didn’t show up to their choreography meeting that night that Ben really started to get frustrated. He texted her. He waited. He texted her again. He waited. That’s when the worry started to get to him. She was probably just standing him up. It’s not like he didn’t deserve it, but, it wasn’t like Rey. Eventually, he texted Rose. 

Ben:  _ Hey Rose, this is Ben. Do you know where Rey is? She was supposed to meet me and hasn’t shown up. She isn’t answering her texts. _

Rose:  _ Oh, Hi Ben! I think Rey is at work right now _

Ben: _ Do you know when she gets off? _

Rose:  _ Yeah, I think her shift ends at 1 _

Ben:  _ Her shift ends at 1 AM? _

Rose:  _ Uh, yep, that’s what I said… _

Ben:  _ Where does she work? I need to talk to her about our choreography. _

Rose:  _ She’s usually pretty tired after her shifts, it might be better just to talk to her tomorrow… _

Ben:  _ Please, Rose. I just need to talk to her. _

Rose:  _ *address sent* _

  
  


He walked to the address Rose had sent him. He still had hours till Rey would get off. Besides, dad might kill him if he were to take the Falcon again. Having access to the falcon and moms cooking were the only good thing about staying with his parents again. 

The weather was hot and humid, heavy. It was still so strange, to be back home. To hear the pieces of English people spoke as they passed him. He had grown to love Russia though, the people, the architecture, the language, even the weather. 

His phone led him into the south of the city as the night grew on. It was 12:30 AM by the time he got there. It was a run down building. Big neon red letters read  _ Plutt’s _ , and gave the place more of the look of a bar than a restaurant. Worry surged through him as he thought of Rey working as a waitress in a place like this. 

He pushed the door open and was hit by a wave of loud music and the smell of alcohol and weed. His eyes flitted around the restaurant, no, it was definitely a bar. 

His eyes froze the minute they found her. She wasn’t behind the bar. She was on the stage. He could barely recognize that it was her at first, with her hair down… and oh god, she was naked. Ben had seen her in a leotard countless times but this was different. Her hair was loose, let out of her signature buns. She looked dangerous under the red lights. Her tan skin contrasting with the white lingerie. 

Her eyes found him as she turned around the pole. She kept dancing, her eyes never leaving him as she stretched to the music. 

Ben’s hands clenched into fists as he heard the men in the crowd holler at her. She payed them no heed. Her eyes were on  _ him  _ as she danced. It was  _ him  _ her eyes were fixed on as her hand roamed her body, tracing over her breasts. 

She turned as the music ended and she strode out through a curtain at the back of the stage. 

_ What. The. Fuck. _

Ben pushed through the crowd to the back of the room, trying to ignore his slight erection as he went. He found a door next to the stage and knocked loudly. 

“Rey?” He called through, nearly yelling.

He pounded his fist to the door again and the door opened just a crack. Rey’s hazel eyes widened at the sight of him.

“It was really you? Be-” 

“Yeah it’s really me.” Ben said cutting her off as he grabbed her wrist and pushed into the room.

“What are you doing here? How did you- Who else knows?” Rey muttered as he dragged her into the room.

“Rey, what  _ the fuck  _ are you doing here? And dressed like this?” He said shuddering as he looked down at her body right in front of him.

He looked around the room, it was largely empty, with a couple vanities set around. He saw Rey’s duffel bag with a robe laying on top of it. He grabbed it and put it one her, tying the tie tight around her waist as he spoke.

“You were supposed to meet me tonight to choreograph. When you didn’t show up and didn’t answer my texts I had to find out where you were, if you were even  _ alive  _ from Rose. Rey, why  _ are  _ you here? Those men, they would do anything to get their hands on you, to fuck you. Rey why the fuck would you do this? Let them ogle at you, touch themselves while they think of you. You shouldn’t fucking be here…” He shuddered.

“Ben, I’m an adult-” She started.

“Barely Rey, you’re nineteen you’re only fucking  _ barely  _ and adult.” He cut her off.

“As I was saying, I  _ am  _ an adult. I know you might not get this, but I don’t have any money. I don’t have a Han and Leia, a mom and dad to give me a place to live, or food to eat. I don’t have a highschool diploma… heck, I didn’t even finish  _ middle school  _ Ben. What was I supposed to do? Waitressing doesn’t pay enough to keep me alive in this city and Plutt, well, I worked for Plutt before Leia found me. He knew me, knew I worked hard, thought the customers would like me… Ben if it weren’t for this job I would be back on the streets and there would be  _ no  _ hope for making the company next season…” 

“Rey, why didn’t talk to my mom?” Ben said still shaking as he held her wrists between them.

“And have her do what? Give me a job in the company because she pities me? Or what? Have her let me move in and live in your old room?” Rey said looking up at him, pleading him to understand her.

“I don’t know Rey…  _ fuck.  _ I don’t know but you can’t be here, you don’t have any fucking idea what the thought of this does to me. Rey, you’re talented, you’re  _ so fucking talented  _ and smart and strong and  _ beautif-”  _ He was trambling as he looked at her hands, avoiding her eyes.

_ She shouldn’t be here with all those men.  _ Ben knows that. He also knows she should be here with  _ him.  _ He’s no better than those men. He’d ruin her just like they would.

Suddenly, she was on him. He was shoving him up against the cold stone wall of the room. Fuck, she looked mad. 

“Fuck you Ben. Fuck you. You have no idea what it’s like… to be me? You think you can just tell me what you want me to do? Boss me around like a little kid? Tell me not to work cause you’re jealous that  _ those  _ me got to see me like this and  _ you  _ didn’t?” She said angrily as she pushed her hands against his chest.

He’d had enough. He grabbed her wrists with one of his and flipped them around using his other hand to brace him up on the wall above her head. He leaned down and kissed her. She kissed him back, letting his tongue slide between her lips. It was a dark and brooding kiss. Filled with years of pent up tension and frustration. He pushed against her, his hands coming down to her waist to lift her up, her legs latching around either side of his hips.

She gasped out his name as he mouth left hers to travel down her neck. Her skin was hot and salty as his teeth grazed against it.

He pushed her silk robe open and his hand found her breast giving it a tight squeeze and causing Rey to moan.

Her hands pulled through his hair, her nails scratching his scalp and sending shivers down his spine. He groaned. He pushed his erection against her waist and she let out a soft gasp.

He pulled away, panting.

“No. Not here. The first time I’m going to fuck you is not going to be in the back of a dive bar.” Ben said, running his hands through his hair as he looked at the disheveled girl in front of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never written a makeout scene before so I hope I did a decent job!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No. Not here. The first time I’m going to fuck you is not going to be in the back of a dive bar.”

CHAPTER 12

“No. Not here. The first time I’m going to fuck you is not going to be in the back of a dive bar.” His words drove a shiver down Rey’s neck. 

Ben was standing, panting in front of her, his black tee shirt crumpled up around his neck where she had been gripping it. His lips were swollen in the dimly lit room. 

Rey didn’t realize she had left the wall until she was standing just inches from him. Her hands slowly raised through the air until they found his face. She tilted her head up. He squeezed his eyes shut but craned his neck down to her. 

Their lips met softly. She was still for a moment before she started to move. His lips were soft and pillowy as he started to kiss her back. It was gentle. Delicate. His hands stayed loose by his side as her hands carefully traced the lines of his face. 

Ben’s lips gently parted, letting Rey carefully explore with her tongue. His hands found her waist and pulled her away from him.

“I’m serious Rey…” He half moaned. 

“My shift is over.” She says, the unspoken meaning behind her words clear. 

“Rey… We have to think about this… what we’re doing…”

“I have thought about it Ben…”

“We work together, we teach together four days a week. If we did this, there’d be no going back. It could ruin our careers” Ben sighed.

“I know, I know but I want to Ben. I want you… I want you so much…” Rey practically whined as she pushed her body against his, nuzzling her head against his chest.

“I’m taking you home. To your apartment, and I’m going to leave you there. You’re going to go to sleep and you’re going to think long and hard about this. Tomorrow you’ll agree. I won’t do you any good.”

Ben walked Rey home in silence. He stood away from her, never coming within a foot of her. As though she were a petulant child who would throw herself at him if he neared too close. She supposed the was somewhat true. 

Rey blushed in anger and embarrassment. He was the one who started this. She thought. He kissed her. Not the other way around. 

Rey grew angrier at him with every silent step they took towards her apartment. 

“I’ll see you tomo-” Ben said when they got to her door.

She closed the door before he could finish the sentence. 

…

Rey told Rose everything that had happened since they last spoke. Rose lost her shit.  
“He kissed you? Rey, he must’ve been so jealous… That’s so hot Rey… No, girl he definitely wants to bang you. I mean The first time I’m gonna fuck you is not going to be in the back of a dive bar? Who says that?” Rose responds to the story.

“Ben. Fucking. Solo. That’s who says that. Like, what is that even supposed to mean? If we did this, there’d be no going back? It’s just sex!” Rey said waving her hands exasperatedly.

“I dunno Rey, sex with Ben might be life changing… Maybe he’s that good. I mean, I bet he has a massive dick-”

“Rose!” Rey yelped cutting her friend off.

“Does he though? I mean, you must’ve felt it right…” Rose said following Rey into her room.

“Rose! You can’t just ask me that!”

“Reeeeeyyyyyy, come on I gotta know now!” Rose pleaded.

“Fine, yeah! I mean I didn’t see it or anything but I mean… it felt… yeah, uh, proportional…”

Rose squealed. 

“Ben Solo’s got a big Bennn, Ben Solo’s got a big Bennnnnn!” Rose sang, laughing as she left Rey’s room.

…

“Fuck it.” Rey said to herself as she snatched a scarlett leotard from her top drawer. Part of Rey had wanted to just wear a normal gray everyday leotard. The louder voice in Rey’s head said to go with the red one. She’d got the leotard a couple years ago but had never worn it. It was deep red with thin straps. A pinch in the fabric between her breasts and a low back showed off Rey’s body. 

Ben stayed far away from her in class. Never giving her a correction. Never fixing her posture. His eyes methodically slid past her. 

After class Rey slid on her skirt and loose crop top and tucked her duffel bag under the desk. The hours ticked by as she worked, checking students in and asking parents questions.

“Ben, I simply will not let you do that!” Leia snapped angrily from somewhere behind Rey.

Rey turned around to see the pair standing facing each other, Ben towering over his mother.

“Mom, look, I left on temporary leave. I’ve told you this. Snoke is still expecting me back in two weeks. If I don’t show up, I’m out. ‘Prodigal son of Leia Organa quits the Bolshoi. Artistic differences or secret scandals? I can imagine the headlines already. I don't want that kind of press. You don’t want that kind of press.” Ben said exasperatedly waving his hands in the air. 

It was always amusing to Rey to watch Leia and Ben interact. They both thought they were so different from each other and yet they share almost exact mannerisms. 

“Ben. You cannot go back there. Snoke will pull all of your life, your talent, your soul from your body and when you are done and used he’ll discard you like a piece of trash. Ben you cannot tell me you do not feel the difference since being back home.” Leia said overcome by emotion.

“Mom. I have to. End of discussion, I don’t have a choice.” Ben said before turning and storming off.

He stops. Turns and looks Rey straight in the eyes. 

“We need to choreograph. Meet me in studio 2 in half an hour.” He says, his tone leaving no room for questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so curious, how many of you are or were ballet dancers?


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t want this to have been a dream. You coming back. I don’t want to wake up in three weeks and have it be like you were never here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof. Sorry about the angst y'all.

CHAPTER 13

“You’re going back to Russia.” Rey says accusatorily once Ben walks into studio 2.

“Yes.”

“So that's it. You’re just going to leave again.” Rey says flatly.

“Yes.” he says sharply, pulling off his sweater and throwing it against the mirror where it crumples to the floor. Rey takes a step back, crossing her arms over her chest. 

Ben seemed angry. His muscles strained as he stretched his arms, clearly pushing past the point of pain with little regard. 

“You’re going to tear a muscle like that.” Rey snaps.

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are- Whatever.” Rey said, giving up on arguing half way through.

“I worked through the jump sequence for the boys. Did you get the trio choreographed?” Ben said, plugging his phone into the stereo without looking at her. 

So this is how this was gonna go. He’s just going to pretend it never happened. As though he wasn’t grinding his half hard dick against her stomach 24 hours ago.

“Yeah. It’s done. You go first.” She said, curtly nodding her head at him.

He shrugged and walked into the center of the studio. 

When his part of the song came on, Rey’s eyes were locked on him. He flew across the studio, leaping and turning. It was aggressive, nearing on violent. Power seemed to radiate from his body as he jumped. His face was cold. Stoic. It scared Rey. 

He kneeled with his arms reached out on either side of him when he finished. Rey looked at him. She didn’t applaud she sat quite still watching the man as he rose to his feet.

“Show me what you choreographed.” He said, still panting from the grand allegro.

Rey watches him as he slumps against the mirror and takes a swig of water. 

“Fine.” She says as she walks to the center. Ben resets the music to the trio section. 

Her choreography starkly contrasts his. Her movements are delicate and airy as she bourrees across the floor. The music stops.

“Pointe your feet Rey, come on, this is basic.” He practically snarls.

A momentary flare of anger arises in Rey’s chest. Ben restarts the music and she restarts her choreography. The music stops.

“Fabulous, you pointed your feet now, I dunno think about your turnout?” Ben chastises.

Rey grinds her teeth. Ben restarts the music and she restarts her choreography. The music stops.

“Seriously Rey, just turn your goddamned legs out.” Ben practically growls.

“Ben, shut the fuck up I swear to God. I let you dance now you let me dance.” Rey snaps back at him.

“Look Rey, it’s not my fault you’re not even trying from good technique.” Ben sighs.

“What the fuck Ben? You think I couldn't have criticized your shit show of a grand allegro?” Rey snarls.

“Shit show? Really Rey? I’m just giving critiques. Be mature, and take them.” He says, shaking his head.

“Mature? Oh yeah, you’re sure one to talk about being mature.” Rey says sarcastically.

“Yeah, I kind of am Rey, I’m 22 in case you forgot?”

“Oh wow, 22 and living with your parents… what a mature grown up  _ man  _ you are.” Rey chastises.

“Really Rey? Cheap shot. Besides I’ll be back in Russia in weeks and then you won’t have to deal with my  _ mature grown man _ ness anymore.”

“Yeah, you go do that. Is this how they taught you to dance there? Ben that was fucking terrifying. Leia was right,  _ That  _ is not sustainable but hey if you want to end up a washed up cocaine addict who can’t even make it through barre in a couple years… have at it just leave me the fuck out of it.” Rey says, choking on her emotion.

“Leave you out of it? I thought that's what pissed you off the first time… me leaving you out of it. What do you want Rey?” Ben says.

“I want you to make a fucking descision Ben. Get your shit together, let  _ me  _ help you get your shit together or go back to the Bolshoi and get yourself killed… But I’m not watching you do it Ben. I’m not watching you ruin your career or your life.” Rey said trying not to let her emotions shake her voice.

“It’s not that simple. It’s not an easy choice… you couldn’t understand…” He said his eyes looking pained.

Rey’s face melted into her emotion as she fell to her knees in front of him to look him in the eyes.

“I wouldn’t understand? Ben, you think I wouldn’t understand having to choose between keeping myself sane and trying to further my career? Ben,  _ nobody  _ understands it more than me and you of all people should know that.” 

Ben’s face started to blur as Rey’s eyes misted with tears.

“I don’t want this to have been a dream. You coming back. I don’t want to wake up in three weeks and have it be like you were never here.” She continued on.

“Fuck. Rey, I’m not trying to hurt you. I can’t stay, you can’t leave. If we- the closer we get the harder its going to be to leave but, I can’t stay. I can’t stay. I can’t stay.” He repeated as though her were trying to convince himself of it rather than convince the girl sitting across from him.

“You  _ can  _ stay Ben and it shouldn’t be for me that you stay. It shouldn’t be for me, it shouldn’t be for your mother, it needs to be for  _ you.”  _ Rey said as a tear trickled down her face, landing on her tights.

“Rey, it  _ is  _ you.” Ben said, rising to his knees in front of her. His hand found her cheek, gently brushing her tears away. She looked up at him as he squeezed his eyes shut.

“You’re the reason I want to stay. You’re the reason I want to be here. But, you’re the reason I can’t. I’ll only hurt you Rey. You’re too good for me and we both know it-”

“I’m not too good Ben. I’m fucked up. I’m broken and scarred. It’s when I dance and when I’m with  _ you  _ that I don’t feel like I’m as fucked up as I am Ben. Ben, I don’t care if you hurt me-” She cried, holding his hand to her face.

“You should Rey. This is the problem. Even now, I’m hurting you. That’s what I do, I hurt people. My mom, my dad,  _ you.  _ I have to go back to Russia. I have to stay away from you. I have to keep you safe.” 

His words shattered Rey’s spirit. His hand pulled away, he grabbed his sweater, and he walked out of the studio. Rey slowly turned her gaze from the door after he was long gone. She found herself in the mirror, sitting alone on her knees, her face streaked with tears. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry guys... It was hard to write this chapter :(


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Rey, that’s not a good idea.”
> 
> “I know.” She sighed.
> 
> “I’ll be there in 20 minutes.” He said, sending a shiver up Rey’s spine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all I'm learning the Kitri variation from Don Quixote rn and all I could think about in class was Adam Driver in The Man Who Killed Don Quixote.  
> Please leave feedback on this chapter because I've never written this sort of thing before if ya know what I mean

CHAPTER 14

Rey lay on her bed that night. She’d showered and changed into clean underwear and a tee shirt. She stared at her ceiling. Rey had meticulously mapped out constellations in glowing stars above her bed when she first moved in. The stars made her think of Ben. They made her cry. 

Rey remembered when Leia found her. Rey was a starving 12 year old, living in Plutt’s two bedroom apartment with 6 other orphans. Leia helped Rey, getting her into the school and into school boarding. Rey was frequently invited to holidays and family dinners with the Organa Solo’s. It was at one of these said event’s that she had first met Ben. 

He was scrawny back then, his limbs and ears awkwardly large. He was quiet and reserved and kept staring at Rey as though she couldn’t tell. 

It was a year after Leia saved her that Rey had started to have Pas De Deux class with Ben. They had been paired together and the rest was history.

Now what? Rey asked herself. She couldn’t be with Ben. She couldn’t be without Ben. 

Rey lifted her hip up and pulled her phone out of her pocket. It rang, and rang, and rang. She’d almost given up and hung up the phone when he answered.

“Rey?” Ben asked.

She paused for a moment before formulating her words.

“I- I don’t know what to do Ben. I- Can you come over?” Rey hesitantly asked.

There was a moment of silence before he responded.

“Rey, that’s not a good idea.”

“I know.” She sighed.

“I’ll be there in 20 minutes.” He said, sending a shiver up Rey’s spine. 

He hangs up. Rey’s heart starts to hammer in her chest. Rey was suddenly quite glad that Rose was visiting Paige at college.

20 minutes passed too slowly and too quickly at the same time. Rey paced her apartment. She brushed her hair. She paced more. Drank a glass of water.

A loud knock sounded against her door. 

Her breath hitched. She slowly padded over to the door and let it swing open. She moved to the side and let him push past her. Rey closed the door behind him and turned to follow him. 

He stopped in front of the table and turned back towards her. Rey kept walking until she was mere inches from him.

She reached up, threading her fingers through his hair and kissed him. He leaned down to meet her half way and wrapped his arms around her. 

His lips were warm and soft as they teased at her. Rey pushed back against his chest pushing him down onto one of the dinner table chairs. He stayed silent, his eyes locked on her as she sat on his slightly parted knees. She found his lips again, her hands running light strokes along his face. His tongue drew delicate designs in her mouth causing her to let out a moan. 

Her hands fell from his face and grabbed at his shoulders as shoulders. She pushed him back slightly to let her lips trace down to his neck, peppering light kisses along the way. She found the crook in his neck right above his collarbone and kissed it roughly. She sucked and nipped him with her teeth causing his head to fall back and a throaty groan to escape his lips. 

“Rey, we shouldn’t do this. We’ll just get hurt.” He says his voice almost breaking.

Rey stops and climbs off his lap.

“I don’t care Ben. I don’t care if this hurts me. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life regretting not doing this… but if you don’t want to then I don’t want to. I don’t care if it hurts me but if it’s going to hurt you then I don’t want to.” She says falling to her knees in front of him.

“I want it Rey. I want it so fucking much I just don’t want you to regret it…”

“I won’t regret it Ben. I want you, all of you… please” She pleaded.

“What do you want Rey. Tell me.” He ordered pulling her back up into his lap, his hands tracing up and down her side. He started sprinkling her body in kisses as she spoke.

“I want you. I want to kiss you. I want to see how good we are. God, Ben, when we dance it’s magic, imagine what we can do like this… I want to know, I want you to show me…” His lips found hers again cutting her off. His lips were controlling and demanding as his arms held her in place.

“I’m going to Rey, I’m going to make you feel so much you’ll never forget it. When I’m on the other side of the world you’re going to remember how it felt. How it felt to come on my hand, my mouth, my cock.” He said, standing and lifting Rey to sit on the table.

Rey desperately tried to press her thighs together, needing some release. Ben’s hands covered her thighs and pushed them back apart.

“Sweetheart you don’t get to get off unless I’m the one getting you off.” He groaned, pressing towards her.  
His words caused Rey to throb in want as his hand slid down between her legs. His fingers found her apex and gently stroked her through the lace of her underwear.

“Fuck… You’re so wet, it’s all for me isn’t it Rey?” He whispered against her ear. 

Rey felt like she couldn’t breathe as she nodded in response.

“Words Rey.” He chastised, pulling his hand away.

“It’s- It’s all for you Ben. I’m all for you…” She choked out.

“Oh are you? Are these for me too? Did you not bother to put pants on because you knew I’d take them off you? Because it would be one less step between me and your cunt?” He teased, his fingers stroking along the lace waistband.

“Y-yes. Please...” She whispered looking up into his dark eyes.

“Please what Rey?” He said in a guise of innocence.

“Please take them off. I need it Ben, I need to feel you touch me. I need you to make me come, Ben please!” She gasped.

He pushed her hips up and ripped the panties off, tossing them to the floor.

“So Rey, what’ll it be. Do you want to come on my tongue, my fingers or my cock first?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wheewwww this is like not even smut yet and it's so hard to write!!  
> Sorry about the cliff hanger but it shouldn't be a super long wait till the next chap!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So Rey, what’ll it be. Do you want to come on my tongue, my fingers or my cock first?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this update took so long, I had major writers block.  
> This chapter is pure smut....  
> I love all feedback and commentary!  
> Updated the tags too.

CHAPTER 15

“You’re tongue, please Ben.” Rey practically begged him. 

“Has anyone ever eaten you out before Rey?” He asked as though he already knew the answer.

Rey shook her head vigorously. Nobody. 

He pushed his hand back up her body till it found her chest and he pushed her down till her back was on the table, her knees spread to either side of her hips.

Craning her head up she followed the line of his arm from his hand between her breasts down to his shoulder at her hips and finally his beautiful face looking at the bare apex of her legs. Rey let out a throaty groan at the erotic sight.

“So, I’m going to be the first one to taste you… I’m going to be the last too aren’t I sweetheart… you know nobody else can make you feel the way I do….”

They were dangerous words he said. They both knew that. They promised a universe that they didn’t live in.

His eyes flicked up to watch her as he lowered his mouth to her cunt. His lips softly met around her clit and Rey gasped at the sensation. She felt his smirk against her. Rey was painfully aware of how intoxicating Bens mouth was against her own but  _ this  _ was something else entirely. Why god had thought it was fair to make a man like Ben  _ and  _ give him this mouth would be a mystery to Rey till the day she died. 

As he breathed, and licked, and sucked at her she shuddered, slowly losing any control she may have had. Her hands gripped at his arm as he held her down, as though they were pleading him for something but Rey couldn’t tell what it was, she just needed  _ something. _

“B-Ben,  _ please _ I need- I…  _ Ben!” _ She cried out as his tongue dragged roughly against her.

“What Rey… What do you need?” He asked, his voice muffled against her core.

“Ben,  _ fuck _ , I don’t know Ben just  _ please  _ I need-” She cried, tears nearly coming to her eyes as she tried to grind her hips against him.

“Shhhhh, I know what you need…. I know what you need sweetheart.” He said, dragging his kisses against her pubic bone. He nipped at the skin on the way back down to her.

His right hand moved to squeeze her breast as his left grazed over her thigh, before finding her cunt. With his mouth back on her clit, licking delicate circles, his middle finger slowly pushed inside her.

Rey’s back arched at the sensation of his finger filling her. He pinched her nipple in response prompting her back down to the table. He drew his finger back out before pushing in again and curving it up. The pressure inside of her building felt like a bomb in her just waiting to explode. Rey’s brain was blank, a burning white as he pushed in a second finger, stretching her further.

She called out his name as the tension burst. A steady stream of curse words flew out of her mouth as she came against him. She squeezed her eyes shut just feeling the sensation of stretching around his fingers as his tongue licked her clean. 

His hand left her breast as her stood above her. His fingers left her aching as he pulled them out of her and her knees fell back together. Rey gently opened her eyes to his frame towering over her still fully dressed looking down at her with dark eyes.

“Bedroom?” He said looking down at the wreck he had made.

Rey nodded vigorously and he reached down and lifted her up to his chest, letting her legs wrap around his waist. She instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck and found his lips. She explored his mouth, tasting herself on his tongue as he carried them to her bedroom. 

He set her down on the foot of the bed and she reached up, having to rise to her tiptoes to pull his shirt over his head. Once clear of the fabric, he pulled her against him and found her mouth, kissing her as though he would never get to do so again. 

Rey’s hands found his belt and un buckled it, making quick work of the leather before unbuttoning his jeans. Once unzipped she pulled away from Ben’s lips and dropped to her knees, pulling his jeans down with her. 

Finally tearing her eyes away from the massive tent in his boxers she looked up at him.

“I don’t- I’ve never done  _ this  _ before. I mean, not the sex, I’ve done-  _ had  _ sex I’ve just never sucked-” Rey clammored nervously.

“Don’t Rey, you really,  _ really  _ don’t have to-” He interrupted.

“No, no I want to! I’ve never wanted to before I just don't really know how to  _ do it, _ so maybe you don’t want me to but if you’ll let me, I want to try.” Rey explained nervously at his feet.

“ _ Fuck _ Rey, yes,  _ god yes  _ you can try.” He groaned as her hands started to pull his boxers down.

“Tell me if I do anything wrong?” She asked gently looking up at him. He nodded and her eyes fell back to the task at hand.

_ Fuck. He’s huge.  _ Rey thought nervously as his cock was freed. She really, really hoped it would fit. She’d make it fit. 

Her hand gently wrapped around the base she carefully dragged her hand towards her and then back towards his body. Picking up some courage, she brings her mouth to it and licks the tip before tracing her tongue down to meet her hand at the base. Ben lets out a throaty groan at the action. 

His reaction encourages her and she opens her mouth, trying not to let her teeth scrape him. Her jaw hurts slightly as she tries to take him in her mouth. She pulls back away slightly before pushing back around him and lightly sucking. 

_ “Fuck, Rey”  _ Ben moaned. She looked up at him to see his head roll back.

She kept going as his knees started to quiver and his hands clenched at his sides to avoid grabbing her head. Her cunt clenched on nothing as her mouth worked. Rey tried her best to take him as deep as she could, nearly choking before he grasped her face and pulled her off of him.

He reached for her arms to pull her up so she was standing before him before picking her up and almost tossing her on the bed behind her. 

“Rey, god, you’re so perfect.” He said crawling on top of her. 

His fingers found her soaked and waiting.

“I didn’t even touch you… is this all from sucking my cock? You liked that so much?” He asked in awe. 

He pushed two fingers in her, starting a punishing pace trying to open her up. 

“So tight Rey, I, I don’t want to hurt you.” He groaned, giving her an out.

“You won’t, I can take it, I know I can… if you’ll just let me I know I can.” She gasped as his fingers worked her. He arched his fingers into her as she spoke, adding a third finger. The third finger hurt for a second but she was determined to take it. 

“So eager, So eager for my cock aren’t you… I just need to get you ready, need to get you open.” He panted as his fingers thrust in her.

“I’m ready Ben, I’m ready just please, please fuck me, I need you inside me.” Rey called out, her voice heavy with desperation.

His fingers slipped out of her and he moved up to finger her mouth before kissing her. They seemed to melt together as their tongues danced. She felt the tip of him on her slit as his mouth separated from hers. His forehead rested gently on hers.

“You ready?” He asked softly, his eyes looking down at her, bathing her in lust. 

“Please, Ben.” Rey whispered.

Rey gasped as he pushed into her, stretching her around him. She’d never felt anything like this. It wasn’t like it was with Tai. She felt so full it verged on the edge of pain at first. Ben stilled, fully seated inside of her, his breaths coming out in uneven gasps. 

“ _ Fuck,  _ Rey, you’re so tight, its- I’ve never...”

“I know. Don’t be afraid… I feel it too.” She sighed under him.

He started to move slowly at first and Rey’s head arched back at the movement. She felt like she was holding back screams as he moved inside of her. It felt like pure Nirvana in her veins as his lips covered her in kisses.

“Faster Ben, I need it faster.” She gasped out.

He listened and soon his thrusts became powerful, each one moving Rey’s body on the mattress. The headboard bumped the wall with each of his thrusts. At this point she was sure the neighbors could hear, but she couldn’t have cared less. 

Ben moved up away from her, sitting back on his heels, using his hands to pull her hips up off the mattress to meet each of his thrusts. The change of angle made Rey call out Ben’s name. Her arms reached up pressing against the headboard above her, desperate for something to push against as his thrusts became increasingly pressured.

“Rey, you have no fucking idea, you look- Fuck, you look so hot like this… taking my cock and asking for more… Touch yourself, make yourself come on my cock.” He ground out over her, emphasizing each word as he thrust against her.

Rey obliged him, pressuring her clit with her fingers as his thrusts became less and less even.

“Come with me Rey, come with me!” He ordered as he slammed into her and she cried out in ecstasy.

The world shattered around her as she came. She felt him. She felt the stretch. She felt his lips as they found hers. She felt his hair as she wound her fingers through it, riding out her orgasm. 

They stayed like that, frozen in time for what felt like an infinity inside of a second. At some point he pulled out of her and Rey shuddered at the loss as he lay down beside her, his arm draped over her sweating body.

She felt a soft kiss against her shoulder before she succumbed to slumber. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say I hope you are all safe and well and that I provided some good entertainment ;)


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We can’t do this again.” Rey said, her voice quivering in pain.
> 
> “I know.” He said before kissing her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter in one day? You bet!

CHAPTER 16

Rey stayed perfectly still as she awoke, not even daring to open her eyes. There was nothing in the world Rey wanted more than to stay here. 

Her blankets were crumpled up at her feet, and likely falling off the bed. Ben’s body was so warm they didn’t need them. 

Ben was sprawled out on his back, one arm under Rey’s shoulder. Rey was on her stomach, her head resting on his bare chest. Somehow, Rey had wrapped her leg around his while they slept. The warm sun filtered through the windows, making Rey feel like a cat basking in the sunlight on a warm day.

The only thing that finally convinced her to move at all was the want, no perhaps the need, to see him like this. Sedated, beautiful like the last time he had slept in her room but this time hers. If only for a night, he had been hers and she had been his.

As she slowly peeked her eyes open she beheld the sight above her. His raven hair almost looked brunette in the sunlight, perhaps more like Han’s than Leia’s. His chest rose and fell softly beneath her and it felt like this was how it was supposed to be. Him giving her rhythm. Nothing else seemed to matter as long as he was with her and safe. 

Rey surged with the feeling of protection. The need to keep him safe and with her. Ben was strong but so battered by the world. Nobody saw his inside, nobody saw the toll, nobody saw the scars beneath his cold and stoic exterior. But Rey did, she understood him and he understood her.

The thought occurred to Rey as she lay there naked and strung across him. 

She would die for him. 

Not that she would probably ever get the chance, but she would, she really would. Perhaps it didn’t mean that much, Rey didn’t exactly have the most self love but what she lacked in one department she made up for in another. She would do anything to keep him safe, give him the life he deserves not the one he’s been dealt.

As much as she wanted to stay like this forever, Rey really had to pee. Maybe if she was careful enough she could sneak out and come back and he’d still be asleep. 

Rey slowly pushed off the bed with her arms, sighing as she left his body. Just as she was about to climb out of the bed a large arm snaked around her shoulders and brought her back to him. Rey let out a huff of air as she fell back onto his chest. 

She felt his erection pressing against her leg as she looked up at him. His eyes opened slowly, flinching at the sunlight. 

“Beeennnn, I have to pee, you gotta let me out.” Rey coaxed the half sleeping man. 

Ben let out a hrrumph before tightening his grip on her. He froze for a second as an idea seemed to come to him. 

Next thing she knew was being lifted up towards his head, her legs on either side of his torso, her bare cunt pulling up over his stomach.

Oh. Oh. His mouth found one of her nipples and sucked as he held her above him. Rey’s head rolled back and her pussy clenched as he worked. 

“Ben. I need to pee!” She choked out, her breathing heavy and uneven.

“You have sixty seconds Rey, if you’re not back by then I’m coming to find you.” He said, his voice thick and raspy in the morning.

Rey took the opportunity and scrambled off the bed. She grabbed his tee shirt from the day before off of the floor just in case Rose was back and hurried to the bathroom. 

As soon as she was back at the foot of the bed, he surged up off the mattress and grabbed her. He flipped them so he was covering her body and shoving his tee shirt up, resumed his work on her nipples. 

“I can’t believe I didn’t do this last night…” He said almost to himself as he sucked and licked and nipped at her breasts.

“Well, we were a bit preoccupied… Besides you do get to do it now.” Rey observed.

“Thank god I do.” He responded, breaking off her nipple to give her a searing kiss.

As his tongue moved against hers, his hand slipped down and while rubbing her clit with his thumb, he pressed one long finger inside of her. Rey moaned into his mouth as he started to move the finger. 

His mouth found her neck as he added a second finger, curling them inside of her and making her gasp.

“You’re so perfect. So wet already… Are you ready for me?” He asked between heart stopping kisses.

“I’m ready just, be slow, at least at first… I’m just still sore…” Rey said against his skin as she kissed along his neck.  
He pushed in slowly, his fingers still working at her nipples and Rey sighed, her eyes falling shut at the sensation.

“Are you okay?” He asked worriedly, stopping only half way into her.

“Yeah, I’m okay. You just feel so good, it’s almost too much to handle…” Rey explained.

“I feel the same… Rey, what’re we doing… I can’t go back to not having this… to not having you.” He said, slowly pulling out before pushing back in, slightly deeper than before.

“I know Ben… We can’t think about it. I can’t think about it… please just make love to me. Make me forget it all.” Rey whispered, her chest tight with emotion.

Ben answered with a kiss.

…

She came in the bed again, on Ben’s cock. Then later, she came in the shower on his fingers. He came in her mouth and she tried to swallow it all, not letting any of his spend fall to the wet tiles.

They ate cereal, having spent any time they might have had to eat a proper breakfast touching each other. They walked to the studio together, hand in hand until they got close enough that someone might see them. As they neared to studio Ben pulled them just around the corner into an alley. 

He kissed her against the wall, hungry and desperate.

“We can’t do this again.” Rey said, her voice quivering in pain.

“I know.” He said before kissing her again. 

It was an angry kiss. Angry at themselves and angry at the world. Theirs was a cruel fate. Rey cupped his face in her hands and kissed him one last time.

“I know.” She echoed before she left the alley.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel so bad for putting Ben and Rey through all this angst but I swear it WILL get better for them... eventually.
> 
> I hope you are all safe and that if you are in quarantine/social distanced that this is helping you fight off boredom <3


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben: What are you wearing?   
> sent 10:34 P.M.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry its taken so long to update y'all, I'm writing several different stories atm (this, my two shot called Anesthesia, and two original works that aren't on AO3.)  
> If you haven't read Anesthesia it's a very cute and fluffy short fic that might help you get over all the angst of Breaking Pointe.  
> Hope you all enjoy!

CHAPTER 17

Teaching class was smoother than ever. Ben even let Rey convince him to let them do class to pop music instead of classical when Rey felt the class mood was gloomy. The class laughed as Rey and Ben tried to give them barre combinations to Katy Perry and Lil Nas X. 

“Um, Miss Rey, can I talk to you for a minute?” One of the girls in the class asks Rey quietly after class.

“Of course Elle, what is it? Is everything okay?” Rey asks.

“Yeah, everything is fine… I’m just wondering… I know that we aren’t allowed to miss classes unless we are really sick but… My favorite band is performing tomorrow evening when class is and they never do concerts anymore and the boy I like asked me to go with him and… would you possibly let me go?” Elle asked hesitantly. 

“I’ll tell you what… you go to the concert, have fun. There’s nothing wrong with missing one class for a little break just make sure to get some sleep and be ready for class the next day.” Rey smiles ad Elle. She thanks Rey and hurries off to rejoin her friends.

“What was that about?” Ben asks Rey once they’re alone again.

“Nothing, she was just asking for an excused absence.” Rey said, taking a swig of water.

“Let me guess, you let her?” He said with a sigh.

“Yeah, I mean she works hard and if anything she tends to over work herself so a night off might be to her benefit.” Rey explains.

“Yeah, I suppose so.” He agrees.

“You’re not going to complain about me being soft on them?” Rey teased, feigning shock.

“I like how soft you are… I definitely did last night… and this morning…” He says in a low voice, walking over to her. 

A hot blush ran across Rey’s cheeks. 

“I am  _ not  _ soft.” Rey defended.

She may be more lenient than Ben but she just knew that sometimes being a drill sergeant isn’t the best way to get what you want. 

“Yeah you are. You’re soft, and warm, and  _ tight.”  _ Whispered before brushing his lips across hers. 

“Ben, we’re in the studio!” She exclaimed at his act.

“I know, god I wish we weren’t.” He groaned.

“You’re insatiable.” Rey said, shaking her head.

“You haven’t tried all that hard to satiate me…” He suggested.

“Oh I haven’t have I? I really feel like I did Ben. You know, when I  _ did  _ you.” She said, raising her eyebrows at him.

“No, no, that was  _ me  _ satiating  _ you.  _ Maybe tonight you should try and satiate  _ me.”  _ He said framing her face with his hands as he looked down at her. 

The humour sank from her face.

“I have to work. At Plutts.” She said simply.

His hands fell to his side.

There was a moment of silence, no maybe two moments. Just enough to make the guilt Rey felt bury itself deep in her chest.

“Let me come.” He finally said, shocking Rey. 

She had no idea how he was going to react to her telling him that she had to work but she  _ definitely  _ didn’t think he would ask to go with her.

“Ben… that’s not a good idea. I know you don’t want me to be there, I can’t blame you, I don’t want me to be there either there but… Won’t you being there be harder for you since you can’t ignore it?” 

“Rey, I won’t be able to ignore it either way. I would much rather be there with you. I  _ really  _ don’t like the idea of you being there alone. I couldn’t do anything about it before, but now I know and I don’t want to let you do it alone.” He explained.

“You promise not to freak out on me again?” She asked tentatively.

“Promise.” He said kissing her again.

…

Plutt’s was as loud as ever as Rey left Ben at the bar. She slunk back into the back room to get ready, still trying to wrap her head around the fact that Ben had wanted to be here. 

Rey knew this was a bad idea.  _ They  _ were a bad idea, that hadn’t changed since they slept together. The only change was that they now knew that their theories of how well they would work together had been correct. 

Some part of Rey had hoped she had been wrong about him, that they wouldn’t work together and after a night of sweaty, awkward, mediocre sex she’d finally be over him.

She’d been wrong, she’d been oh so wrong.

Her phone buzzed twice as she layered her mascara.

**Ben** :  _ What are you wearing?  _

10:34 P.M.

Rey cocked an eyebrow at her phone as she read his message.

**Rey** :  _ Sweats and old lady hair curlers. _

10:34 P.M.

Rey presumed he meant what  _ would  _ she be wearing but if he wasn’t going to specify, she wasn’t going to give him the answer he wanted.

**Ben** :  _ You know what I mean… _

10:35 P.M.

**Rey** :  _ Oohhhh, u wanna know what I  _ will  _ be wearing… u just want to imagine me all dressed up _

10:35 P.M.

**Ben** :  _ No, I’d really rather imagine you all dressed  _ down.

10:35 P.M.

**Rey** :  _ Ben, are u flirting with me? _

10:36 P.M.

**Ben** :  _ Only for the last six years Rey, but thanks for noticing. _

10:36 P.M.

**Rey** :  _ Flirting is for people who need to convince others 2 sleep with them. That’s really NOT our problem in case u haven’t noticed. _

10:36 P.M.

**Ben** :  _ Maybe it’s just fun to watch you get flustered. _

10:36 P.M.

**Rey** : r u drunk?

10:40 P.M.

**Ben** :  _ I wish.  _

10:40 P.M.

**Rey** : im not holding ur hair back if u throw up

10:41 P.M.

**Ben** : A.) again, I’m not drunk. B.) My hair isn’t that long. C.) Legally, you would have to hold my hair back if I threw up.

10:42 P.M.

**Rey** : u text like the grandpa i never had.

10:42 P.M.

**Rey** : Why exactly am i obligated 2 hold ur hair? Is this just a ploy to get me to touch ur hair Ben cause if so that lame.

10:43 P.M.

**Ben** :  _ U owe me, remember? I think you owe me a couple times over, if I recall correctly. _

10:44 P.M.

**Rey** : Hey now, i thought u said that’s not how friendship works.

10:45 P.M.

  
  


**Ben** :  _ Are we still counted as friends at this point? _

10:46 P.M.

**Rey** : Yeah, friends who have fucked. Very normal, everyone does it. 

10:47 P.M.

**Ben** :  _ How would you feel about amending that to friends who fuck. _

10:48 P.M.

**Rey** : G2g. I’ll be wearing red.

10:48 P.M.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoy writing longer fics like this one but I also like writing one and two shots so if you have any prompts or ideas that you'd like to see me write a one or two shot for, comment and I might do it!  
> Hope y'all are staying safe and taking care of yourselves <3


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a moment it's as though it's just the two of them, her movements just made for him, her body just for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben's perspective again!

CHAPTER 18

_ Ben _

The song changed just a minute after he read Rey’s text. He looked up from his beer and at the stage as Rey walked out from behind the curtains. No, maybe  _ walked  _ wasn’t the right word. Rey didn’t walk like that, thank god, he didn’t think he'd be able to handle it if she did. This wasn’t walking, it was seducing. 

She hadn’t lied about wearing red. Her smooth skin was adorned with cherry red lace. The bra pushed her breasts together, showing off the outline of her dusty pink nipples through the sheer lace. Ben didn’t think he'd ever seen underwear that small. They rose low on her hips, emphasising the faint abdominal lines built from years of dance.

Rey’s eyes flickered over the room before settling on Ben. He grips his beer bottle as she reaches out for the pole. Her small hands reach the metal, wrapping around it and his dick twitches.

Her hips grind in small twisting motions as though drawing little infinity signs in the air and Ben can’t help but imagine what it would feel like for her to make those motions on top of him. 

For a moment it's as though it's just the two of them, her movements just made for him, her body just for him. 

Money starts to litter the stage around her, yanking Ben out of his comforting day dream. Men hollered at her and Ben’s blood simmered with jealousy, protectiveness, whatever it was Ben wanted to pick Rey up and carry her back to his apartment and never let anyone see her like this again. 

He knew it was wrong. She wasn’t his. Even if they were together, even if she  _ loved  _ him, he would never be his. Rey wasn’t surmountable. She would never be his, or the company’s, or Plutt’s. 

Ben had never met anyone quite like Rey. It scared him, the concept that everyone else paled in comparison to her. What if he never met anyone that would make him forget about her? What if he was 80 years old on his deathbed and all he could think about was how he had spent his life pining over her, never able to love someone else. Ben shuddered at the thought.

Rey swung herself up onto the pole, slowly turning around it as her legs fell into a split in the air. Her muscles shone under the stage lights as they worked. Her legs closed as she pulled them into her chest. Her feet touched the ground and her back arched against the pole. Ben groaned at the image, his member growing painfully hard. 

It felt like an eternity before Rey left the stage and Ben found himself walking into the back room after her. 

She swung the door open after his first knock and Ben pushed her further into the room, clamming the door shut behind him. His lips found hers as his arms enveloped her body.

They stumbled further into the room, only stopping when they ran into her vanity. His hands grazed up her body until they rested on either side of her face and he pulled away from the kiss. His forehead rested against hers.

“Please, Rey.” He sighed against her.

“Ben, we shouldn’t.” She whined.

“I know, fuck, Rey, I know.” He responded, squeezing his eyes shut, trying to ignore the tight knot in his stomach.

Suddenly, her mouth was against his again, her tongue flicking across his bottom lip. He hissed her name out.

“We should, we definitely should.” He said, rebuking their previous understanding.

“We can’t. This is stupid Ben, this is so  _ fucking stupid…”  _ She sighed, pulling away from the kiss.

“It’s so fucking stupid but we’ve already crossed the line Rey, what’s the point of crossing it a little further.” He coerced, nuzzling against her cheek.

“We shouldn’t have done it Ben, we shouldn’t have. I can’t stop thinking about it, about you, about how it feels when you… We can’t do it again, it’ll just be worse…” She said as though she was trying to convince herself as much as she was trying to convince him.

“I can’t touch you anymore without thinking about it. I can’t dance with you without wishing we were alone and I was inside you, I can’t even focus in class Rey.” He confided, dragging kisses along her ear.

Rey’s head dropped back at his confession, or maybe his lips, Ben didn’t know or care. 

“Oh fuck it. Take me, I’m already gone. I want it Ben, I want you. I need you.” She moaned, pulling his lips back to hers. 

Her fingers threaded through his hair, his cock twitched at her words. 

“Were you wet? Were you wet for me on stage?” He asked with brutal curiosity.

“Why don’t you find out?” She responded, nipping at his neck.

His fingers found the smooth lace of her underwear and found her wet with slick.

“What were you thinking about Rey? What was it that had you so riled up?” He goaded, pressing his thumb to her clit.

She let out a harsh breath of air and grasped at his shoulders as his fingers moved against the stiff nub.

“You. When you said you wouldn’t fuck me in the back of a dive bar… guess that’s not so true after all.” She gasped out as he slid her panties down to her thighs.

“I said the _ first  _ time I fucked you wouldn’t be in the back of a dive bar. I was being a gentleman. I wanted to have you in a bed, gently, I wanted to treat you like a fucking princess. You really are a fucking princess to me Rey, and I’m just you’re loyal knight.” The words slipped out of his mouth before he had the chance to realize how stupid he sounded. A princess and a knight? He hadn’t played Dungeons and Dragons in years but here he was sounding like the biggest nerd in front of a 90% naked Rey.

“You think  _ that  _ was gentle? Don’t, don’t get me wrong or anything, it was mind blowing but it was definitely not  _ gentle.” _ Rey clarified.

“It was gentle Rey. At least for me it was, but now? Now I wanna fuck you. I want to fucking  _ wreck  _ you Rey. Do you want that? Do you want me to wreck you sweet little cunt?” He growled against her, flicking her nippless as he spoke.

“I want it. I want to feel it tomorrow in rehearsal Ben-” Her words cut off into a faint cry as he pushed two of his fingers into her, setting a formidable pace as he tried to open her up. She wanted to feel the ache he would leave but she wouldn’t be able to take him if she wasn’t warmed up.

He looked down at her as she writhed, perched on the edge of her vanity glowing in the orange light of a lamp. Her eyes were scrunched closed as she gripped the edge of the table trying to steady herself.

“Open your eyes. Look at me while I fuck you.” He ordered her.

Her eyes opened and she looked at him under heavy painted gold eyelids. One of her hands grasped his wrist, stopping his motions. 

“Fuck me Ben. Please, I’m ready, I’m  _ so  _ ready for you.” She urged.

He pulled his wet fingers out of her and flipped her over, pushing her tits down into the vanity, his hands clasped on her hips. She whispered his name and he looked up to see them in the mirror. She was staring at the image of them, her lips pink and slightly swollen, his torso standing over her. He looked wild in the mirror.

“Are you going to watch us Rey? Do you want to see me taking you over your own vanity?” He asked, leaning over her to kiss her shoulder.

“We look beautiful.” She sighed, pushing her ass back against his throbbing erection.

“ _ You  _ look beautiful.” He amends. Undoing his pants as quickly as he can, he nips her shoulder.

Ben presses up against her warm cunt, letting her feel the tip of him before he’s hilt deep inside of her. Rey cries out, reaching her hands out to grasp at the edge of the vanity for support. Ben has a bruising grasp on her hips as he pulls out and thrusts back into her. A desperate moan escapes his lips at the sensation of her wrapped around him at this angle. 

The vanity rocks against the wall, making a loud knocking noise as her thrusts into her. She pleads for more as thrusts deeper and deeper. He looks up and meets her eyes in the mirror, she’s fixed on him.

“You’re so fucking perfect. I hate it Ben, I hate it. You’re face, your hair, your body, the way you fuck me.” She moans and Ben can’t think straight. The feeling of being inside of her is almost too much on its own but her words do things to him.

He reaches down and presses her clit, letting the shock motions of his hips, press her clit against his rough hand. She starts to clench around him, her cunt squeezing him even tighter.

“I’m coming Ben, I’m coming.” She cries out as she pulses. Ben stills inside of her as the tension inside of him springs free. Ben watches Rey’s face as they come. Her eyebrows knit together and her eyes flutter close, her mouth hanging slightly open. 

Ben folds over on top over dragging lazy kisses across her back as the molten gold buzzing of his orgasm runs through his veins. 

“I’m yours” He whispers against her skin too softly for her to hear. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to write smut from a guy's perspective is requiring quite a lot of imagination so hopefully its not TOO off. Also wow yeah, this fic really is getting hecka dirty.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Rey slid into the car, pushing her backpack to her feet. Her eyes slowly filtered through the boy sitting next to her. Long gangly arms and legs were crunched up as though to take up as little space as possible as he sat, his nose buried in a book. Stars and Supernovas: A galactic guide the cover read. The boy didn’t look up at her as she sat down."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashback time!  
> I really wanted to give a little more backstory to Rey and Ben's relationship so this is the first of probably three flashback chapters.  
> Hope you enjoy!

CHAPTER 19

Flashback chapter no. 1

Rey’s backpack was full as she waited for Leia to pick her up. Plutt had gone out that morning, not bothering to say goodbye to Rey, not that she minded. 

Rey had woken up that morning more excited than she had ever been before. She packed all her belongings into her backpack and stole one of Plutt’s doughnuts for breakfast. Normally, she wouldn’t dare take Plutt’s food but Rey figured she wouldn’t be there for him to punish her. 

Rey sat on the steps outside the apartment and picked at the dirt on her sneakers. Rey had felt like she was going to throw up from nervousness since Leia had actually made the plans to move Rey from Plutt’s and into her school. 

Rey had been moving from place to place as long as she could remember, some had been horrible, some had been okay, none had been good. Leia made it sound like this would be good. Rey was excited at the opportunity to be somewhere to be somewhere safe, and with people who appreciated her. 

Soon, Rey heard a car approaching. Looking up she squinted her eyes, the June sun shining blindingly bright. An old looking grey ford slowed to a stop in front of her and Leia climbed out from the driver seat.

“Rey! I’m so glad to see you.” Leia smiled sweetly, pulling Rey into a gentle hug. Leia gave her a quick squeeze before pulling away. She looked at the frail 9 year old in front of her and frowned. 

“Where are your things? Do you need help packing?” Leia asked.

“I have my backpack. I’m all packed.” Rey explained. Leia’s face fell into pity.

“Okay hun. Well here, you can sit in the back with Ben.” Leia said, resuming her happy demeanor and opening the car door for Rey.

Rey slid into the car, pushing her backpack to her feet. Her eyes slowly filtered through the boy sitting next to her. Long gangly arms and legs were crunched up as though to take up as little space as possible as he sat, his nose buried in a book.  _ Stars and Supernovas: A galactic guide  _ the cover read. The boy didn’t look up at her as she sat down.

Leia looked through the rearview mirror as she sat in the driver's seat.

“Ben, say hi to Rey.” She scolded, causing the boy beside her to sigh. He looked up at Rey and Rey saw a long face and dark eyes. 

“Hi.” He said simply, returning to his book.

Rey saw the reflection of Leia rolling her eyes at the boy as she started up the car. 

“Ben is 11 so you too will have class together at the academy. You might even start partnering together since you’re both so tall for your ages. We’re having a family dinner tonight and we would love to have you. My husband Han is very excited to meet you.” Leia said, keeping the car from an awkward silence. 

Leia explained the details of what Rey’s life would be like for Rey at the academy as they drove across town. Rey smiled and nodded, trying to take mental notes of all the information. She noticed that Ben hadn’t turned the page of the book for the entire half hour car ride. Occasionally, her eyes would drift from Leia to Ben and she would find him stealing glances at her. 

…

They started partnering in the second week of classes and just like Leia had said, Luke paired Rey and Ben because of their height. Rey was the tallest girl in class, but she was still a whole head shorter than Ben. 

Luke was strict and made the class learn things so slow that even if they  _ had  _ been interesting, they were so meticulously taught that they became tedious. 

Partnering however, stayed exciting. Anything co-ed sent the class into giggles and awkward blushes.

At first, Ben kept letting her slip and fall because he was so hesitant to touch her. Luke chastised him and told him that Rey would definitely rather him hold her that kept getting dropped. Ben scowled at his uncle, but stopped dropping Rey. 

It was only about a week until Rey and Ben had caught their rhythm and Luke started to have them demonstrate for the class.

Rey found she liked partnering. Ben tended to ignore her, but when they were partnering he had no choice but to acknowledge her. Besides, it was funny watching him get flustered. His ears would get all red and he’d stare determinately at the ground.

“Rey, use your core. Ben, stop holding her up, she needs to support herself.” Luke corrects the pair of them. Rey stands up a little straighter but Ben still holds her up just as tight. Rey is thankful for it, she’s not as good en pointe as the rest of her class yet, so Ben holding her up more than he should is a welcome gift.

Rey’s roommate Kaydel was doing thePas De Deux combination with Poe Dameron while the rest of the class stood in the corner, waiting for their turn to show the combination.

Rey stood slightly in front of Ben with her left foot pointed behind her. Ben had his right hand reached across them to hold her left hand and his left hand on her waist, just like Master Skywalker had told them to do. 

Their hands were sweaty as they held each other. Rey hoped that he figured her sweaty hands were due to the difficulty of class and not to nervousness. 

Rey’s stomach growled and out of the corner of her eye she saw Ben turn to look at her. Rey’s face went hot with embarrassment, he must have felt her stomach.

“Are you hungry?” Ben whispered nervously.

Rey turned to him, surprised at him speaking when not necessary. She nodded slightly in response to the boy beside her. 

His mouth shifted from its permanent frown to a slight, reserved smile. It was a contagious smile, with little dimples and funny teeth, it made Rey want to smile back. Rey felt Ben gently pull her hand to his stomach. It growled.

Rey’s embarrassment turned into a grin she tried to hide so as not to alert Master Skywalker that they weren’t watching Kaydel and Poe.

“I’m hungry too.” He whispered, as though sharing a secret.

  
  


After class as they all sat in the hallway eating their lunches, Rey and Ben shared theirs so as to optimise food variety. Sometimes, Ben would even steal extra snacks from his house and bring them for Rey at lunch. Ben may have been odd, and too quiet for Rey’s liking, but she quickly learned that she liked him anyways. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baby Rey and Ben are too cute!!!


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ben you are two years older than me, two. Turning eighteen doesn’t make you a grown up, in fact I would argue I am much more mature than you.” Rey responded as she subtly tried to fold herself into the corner of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second flashback chapter y'all!  
> Welcome to teenage Ben and Rey!  
> As you may have noticed, I finally added an estimated chapter count number. It's possible it will change but at the moment I think this story is only going to have about 5 more chapters.

CHAPTER 20

Flashback 

The Falcon was cramped. Rey was squished in the back seat between Finn, Kaydel, and Paige. Ben was driving with Poe in the passenger seat. The back seat was really only meant for three people but they made it work.

The windows were open, making the wind rip through Rey’s hair as Ben sped down the highway. Poe had been the one to put this all together, he had some friends throwing this big party at a lake house for the weekend and Poe had convinced them all to come too. 

_ Falling in Reverse  _ was blasting through the car as Ben and Poe shouted along with the lyrics. 

“If we are born to die, and we all die to live, then what’s the point of living life if it just contradicts!” 

Ben’s overgrown hair whipped in the wind as he shook his head to the rhythm.

“Keep your eyes on the road Benny!” Rey yelled over the music, using Ben’s childhood nickname to chastise him.

“Rey, you can’t just listen to Radke sing without  _ rocking!” _ Ben laughed, causing Rey to roll her eyes. At least he was in a good mood though. Recently, he’d been struggling, showing up to class with heavy dark circles under his eyes that left Rey filled with worry.

Sometimes it felt like Ben was a gift. A gift from the universe as though it was trying to make up for all the shit it had put Rey through. Sometimes it felt like he was enough to make up for it, most of the time it didn’t. 

Rey and Ben didn’t talk that much, at least not about the  _ real _ things. They talked about food, music, and the intricacies of ballet. They  _ didn’t  _ talk about why Rey would flinch when Ben touched her if she wasn’t expecting it, or how Ben realized that Rey had been starving herself, or that time during Swan Lake when Rey hand to pry Ben’s fingers away from his palms because he was digging his fingernails into them so hard that they bled. 

Still, despite never putting it into words they  _ knew  _ each other. Sometimes, Rey felt like they didn’t talk about it because they knew each other so well. It was an unspoken secret. They were a pair, two sides of a coin, to magnets stuck together. 

  
  


Before she knew it, they were pulling off the dark paved roads and onto a bumpy gravel driveway. Ducking her head down to look out the window she saw the nearing lights of a cabin. Kaydel hollered as they pulled into a stop in front of the cabin. 

Ben stops the car and they begin to pile out, Rey squeezing out of the overstuffed car last. The cold air hits her as her feet hit the ground and she looks up at the cabin in front of her. 

“Oh, don’t look so intimidated, they’ll eat you alive if you show fear.” Ben teased walking up beside her as Rey looked at the cabin.

“Don’t bully me. Besides, I’m not intimidated by a bunch of college kids so high they don’t know what year it is.” Rey says, trying to sound confident as they edged into the building. 

“What exactly do  _ you  _ know about being high Rey?” Ben smirks, raising an eyebrow at her.

“I’m not a kid Ben.” Rey responds defensively. 

“Technically Rey, you are in fact a kid.” Ben teased, causing Rey to turn away from the crowd that their friends were melting into to glare at him. 

“Ben you are two years older than me,  _ two.  _ Turning eighteen doesn’t make you a grown up, in fact I would argue I am  _ much  _ more mature than you.” Rey responded as she subtly tried to fold herself into the corner of the room. 

Ben leans against the wall next to her before responding.

“No, you're totally right, being two years older isn’t what makes me more mature… Being more mature is what makes me more mature.” Ben goads. Rey can tell he’s just messing with her but she grinds her teeth in irritation.

“Well, maybe you just don’t know me that well.” Rey responds, turning her nose up at him.

“Oh yeah? ‘Cause I feel like I know you pretty well.” He pushes.

“Well you don’t know me. Nobody does.” Rey sighs, trying not to let the words fall too deep into her psyche.

“I do.” He says simply. 

Rey crossed her arms over her chest as she saw Poe push through the room towards them, flanked by Kaydel and some people Rey didn’t know. 

“Come on you two, we’re playing truth or dare!” Poe cheered at them, waving a beer in his hand. 

“What are we 12?” Ben responds, rolling his eyes at Poe.

“Yeah yeah yeah, whatever Solo.” Poe responded, shaking his head at Ben.

Despite Ben’s apparent distaste for Poe’s choice in party activities, they follow Poe and his crowd into the other room. 

Soon, they are seated in a poorly formed circle on the floor of the living room. Most of the lights are off, leaving only the dim orange light of a table lamp to illuminate the room. Rey sat crossed legged next to Ben, picking at the tare in her jeans as Poe explained the rules of the game.

“Kaydel, you go first.” Poe finished, looking at the girl across from him.

“Who should I ask?” She asked the group.

“You get to pick.” Poe claridies.

“Okay, then I pick you Poe. Truth or dare?” Kaydel asks mischievously. 

“Truth.” Poe says, taking a swig of beer. 

“Fuck, Marry, Kill. Me, Paige, and Rey.” Kaydel says with a grin. Rey tries to shrink back further against the wall she propped herself up against. Ben glanced sympathetically down at her as she shifted.

“Hmmm… okay, okay, okay lemme think. Kill Paige, fuck Rey, marry you.” Poe says, fully aware of the chaos his answer would cause. 

“Poe Dameron. You’d rather fuck Rey than me? Seriously? You  _ know  _ I’ve gotta be better than her in bed. No offence Rey, I love you dear.” Paige complained. 

Rey’s face turned violently red as Poe responded.

“Okay, okay, hold on Paige, you’re probably better but Rey’s a virgin and come on, wouldn’t it be fun to show Rey how to do everything?” Poe’s words hit Rey like a punch in the gut. 

“Hey, how do you know she’s a virgin. Her and Solo could  _ totally  _ be banging.” Paige argues. Rey knows Paige is trying to defend her, but she makes it so much worse. 

“Look at her Paige, she’s  _ definitely  _ a virgin. Besides, as much as we all love Rey, she’s too soft for Solo, and too small for that matter.” Poe laughs. 

Paige says something in response, in agreement with Poe. The conversation continues but Rey doesn’t hear it. She feels like she’s standing in front of them naked. Bare for all to see, for all to dissect, for all to touch with their brutal words. They don’t mean to hurt her, but they do. 

Ben’s hand subtly reaches out to grasp her fingers, giving them a light squeeze. Rey looked up at him in surprise to see a soft and sympathetic smile on his lips. His hand never left hers as the game continued. 

“Rey, truth or dare?” asked Finn. 

“Um, truth I guess.” Rey responded, trying her best to look like she was having fun. 

“If you had to make out with either Poe or Solo, who would it be?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows at her. 

Rey froze in uncertainty. She knew the answer obviously, but she didn’t want to freak Ben out. 

“Well Poe said he wouldn’t marry me, so I guess it would have to be Ben.” She finally said, laughing to disguise her fear. The group joined her in laughter. 

“On that note, Ben, truth or dare?” Paige called out. 

“Fuck it, let’s do a dare.” Said Ben, still shaking his head as though this game were the most stupid thing in the world. Rey was beginning to agree with him. 

“I dare you to kiss Rey! And not cheating, it has to be a  _ real  _ kiss. I’m talking at least 10 seconds and with open mouths!” Paige prompts. 

Rey is sure all the color has drained from her face by the time Paige stops talking. 

“I mean, I’m fine with it if Rey is…” Ben says almost sounding sheepish as he looks down at her. 

Rey shrugs, her heart pounding. “I guess so.” She responds, causing the group to break out in excited howls and laughter. 

Ben gently pulls her so that she’s sitting in front of her and up on her knees so her face is equal to his. 

“Close your eyes.” He whispers so that only Rey can hear. After one last glance into his dark eyes for reassurance she closes hers. 

The sound of their friends chanting their names starts to sound muffled and far away as his lips meet hers. They’re soft and gentle as they mold into her, carefully coaxing her mouth open. Rey is suddenly grateful that she's already on her knees so she doesn’t have to worry about her knees giving out. 

Ben had been Rey’s first and only kiss up until this moment. Back when she was 10 and he was twelve. Rey had been curious and so she asked him to kiss her as they sat on the steps outside the studio one morning. He had obliged and pecked her on the lips once before they both fell into a bout of giggles. 

This was different. This was worlds different. His hands on her waist held her up as his tongue coaxed her lips open.  _ Oh.  _ was all Rey could manage to think as the sensation of his mouth against hers flooded through her veins. 

Rey didn’t know what to do so she tried to follow his lead. It was like dancing in a way, the way they moved around each other in unspoken communication. She leaned into him as her stomach tightened into a knot. He pushed back, causing her back to arch so far that she’s sure she would fall over if his hands were on her waist and pulling her hips towards him. 

She lightly nipped at his lip and pulled away from the kiss to find his shadowed eyes alight before her. She wants to look away from him, to break the invisible wire tying her eyes to his but she can’t. 

“They’re _ definitely _ banging.” Paige decides as the group around them laughs. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! It was fun to write.
> 
> I love this story quite a lot and I am blown away by all of the support for it. This was my first fic and the thought that it has over 5000 hits makes me feel incredibly greatful. 
> 
> I think this story is starting to wrap up, but I am not 100% certain yet. I hope you all are staying safe and sane <3


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She wanted him to stay. To turn down the Bolshoi and never look back. To come running back to her apartment and tell her that he would never leave her. Never again. She wanted to be able to touch him without being filled with the fear that it would be the last time. Without feeling like he was slipping through her fingers like sand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *whispers* I'm sorry...

Rey’s breath was heavy as Ben lay atop of her. Her eyes were squeezed shut as she clenched around him, her hands still clamped to the edge of her vanity. His lips left burning kisses along her shoulder and up onto her neck. 

“Ben…” Rey whispered softly, the word full of invention.

“I know.” He sighed, pulling out of her. 

Rey stood up, shivering without his body there to keep her warm. She crossed her arms over her chest, suddenly feeling quite naked in front of him. It was ridiculous, he’d seen her naked, numerous times. Rey was literally naked in front of hundreds of men every week for work and she felt confident. Yet, as she stood alone in front of Ben she felt vulnerable.

He gingerly hands her her grey  _ Alderaan  _ sweatpants, and Rey slips them on without a word. He shrinks back into the corner of the room as she gathers her things. Rey wants to kiss him. Not like the kisses they had shared, not full of tension and need, Rey wanted to kiss him softly. Gently. As though they were husband and wife and she were giving him a quick kiss as he hurried out the door to drive their kids to school. Rey’s throat felt tight at the thought. That future would never be.

The walk back to Rey’s apartment is filled with heavy silence, as though there is too much for them to possibly say.

“Ben?” Rey asked as they neared her apartment.

He ran his hand through his hair, “yeah?”

“Can we go on a date?” She asked carefully.

“You want to go on a date? With me?” He asked, sounding confused.

“Yeah. I just- We spend a lot of time together but we’re always either working or… you know. It might be nice to just do something fun, talk, relax. Things normal people do in normal situations. If you don’t want to though, I understand… we don’t have to.” Rey elaborated, trying to ignore the sinking feeling of dread as she awaited his response. 

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow at 8?” He asks.

“Are you going to steal the Falcon again?” Rey asks, grinning up at him.

“Hey, hey there. I don’t steal… I just  _ borrow,  _ sometimes without permission.” He defended.

“Well, I’ll be here ready to become an accomplice in your auto theft scheme.” Rey chuckled, her hand stopping on her doorknob when she spoke. 

“Wear something cute… but not too cute, we’re just supposed to  _ hang out  _ tomorrow.” Ben said suggestively.

“I’ll worry about how  _ cute  _ I dress and you worry about not having Han kick your ass, how's about that Ben?” Rey said, slowly shaking her head at his antics.

“Sounds like a deal.” He responded, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek.

Rey closed the door, pressing the back of her hand to her cheek where his kiss still lingered. She turned into the dark apartment, slowly leaning against the door, her back hitting the wood with a dull thud. It was too much.  _ He  _ was too much. Ben made her feel like she was flying, or maybe more like she was on fire, and then he leaves and she falls, she extinguishes. He was leaving again, for good this time. How had she been so stupid to think that they could be normal, that they could be happy. 

Rey’s chin quivered as she slid down the door, letting her head roll back against it. Rey tried to push the emotion back but as she looked at the shadowy room. She could practically see the ghosts of her and Ben sitting at the moonlight illuminated table in front of her, discussing whether or not they could resist being with each other.

The room blurs around her as her eyes well up with heavy, persistent tears. She clutches her cheek as a sob racks through her body. Rey wanted to believe in her heart that they had made the right decision. If there had even been a decision. Maybe it had just been a sadistic trick of the universe, to push them together, to make it seem like they were made for each other only to rip them apart over and over again. 

She wanted him to stay. To turn down the Bolshoi and never look back. To come running back to her apartment and tell her that he would never leave her. Never again. She wanted to be able to touch him without being filled with the fear that it would be the last time. Without feeling like he was slipping through her fingers like sand.

A desperate sound escaped her throat as she recognized the thought forming in her mind. She wished she’d never met him. She wished Leia had never brought her to the academy. She wished she’d never been paired with Ben. She wished she hadn’t fallen for his sad eyes or his dimples. She wished he hadn’t been her first kiss, or her second for that matter. She wished she hadn’t spent most of her life pining over him, wishing for something that could never be. 

Rey’s tears stumbled down her face and onto her hand where she still held her cheek. Scared as though the moment it left the place where he had kissed, the truth that they were never meant to last would be undeniable. 

Rey prayed that somebody else could make her feel like he made her feel. She prayed that soulmates weren’t real. That she wouldn't live the rest of her life feeling empty and abandoned. That she would wake up tomorrow morning and realize she didn’t actually love him.

Yes, that was it, Rey wished she hadn’t fallen in love with Ben Solo. 

…

“What’s wrong?” Ben asked Rey once he finally managed to corner her in an empty studio after class. 

“Nothing.” Rey sighed, keeping her gaze held steadily on the wall behind him. He clenched his jaw looking down at her.

“Don’t give me that shit Rey. Did I do something wrong?” He cut out in a harsh whisper.

“No, Ben I- I don’t want to talk about it right now.” Rey responded trying to focus on the peeling grey paint to avoid the guilt building in her chest. 

“Don’t. Give. Me. That. Shit. Tell me what’s going on or I can’t do anything about it.” Ben scowled, backing her up against the wall and leaning towards her with his hand on the wall by her head.

“You can’t do anything about it. Or, I should say you  _ won't  _ do anything about it.” Rey mumbled.

“Look at me.” Ben said, his left hand coming up from his side to caress her chin, guiding her face up to look at him. The concern on his face filled Rey with confliction. This was  _ Ben  _ and she was causing him pain. She wanted to kiss him and tell him it didn’t matter. Tell him  _ she  _ didn’t matter, but Rey knew better. 

“Tell me what’s wrong Rey, I want to fix it. I want you to stop avoiding me. If I did something wrong I’m sorry. If I was too…  _ rough,  _ I’m sorry I just want to make it better Rey-” He said stroking her cheek as his warm words brushed against her mind.

“Russia. Ben, I love you-  _ fuck. _ ” Rey started before freezing at the realization of the words that had slipped out of her mouth. Ben was frozen too. Rey’s eyes flicked up to his face to see his reaction, and there was nothing.

“I- fuck, I’m sorry.” Rey choked out, her eyes starting to mist. She ducked under his arm, furiously wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater as she flead the studio. 

Rey hurried down the hallway, keeping her head down in the hopes that nobody would notice her welling tears. In retrospect, she probably should’ve been watching where she was going as she ran straight into Leia Organa. 

“Oh! Rey, just who I was looking for- are you okay?” Leia asked, her face morphing from surprise, to worry as she beheld the girl in front of her. 

“I- I’m sorry, I need to go.” Rey choked out, trying not to meet Leia’s eyes as she pushed by her and ran out of the building. Leia watched with concern as the door slammed behind her.

It was only a couple seconds before Ben ran into the mezzanine. Stopping once he saw it was only his mother in the room. He anxiously ran his hand through his dark hair, a habit he had picked up from his father.

“Shit. Mom, did you see where she went?” He frantically asked Leia. 

“Who?” She asked, although fairly certain who he was talking about. Ben was heaving nervous breaths as he slowly turned around the room, searching for something.

“Rey! Mom, did you see where she went?” He answered, pulling his phone out of his pocket and holding it up to his ear. Leia looked at her son and sighed. 

“She ran out to the street and you’d better hurry because I swear to god if you break her heart I won’t make you grandma’s pie until you have grey hair.” Leia threatened. He was already halfway out the door by the time she was done speaking. 

“ _ Hi, this is Rey! If you’re getting this I’m probably in class so um, leave a message!”  _ Ben cursed as he ran out onto the street. 

“Rey, I’m sorry I didn’t know what to- can I just come to your apartment?” He recorded into the voicemail as he searched down the street for her. 

He called her again. And again. And again. Definitely more times than he should’ve as he caught the train to her apartment.

“ _ Hi, this is Rey! If you’re getting this I’m probably in class so um, leave a message!”  _ Ben heard the dial tone once again as he bounded up the stairs of the apartment building.

“Rey, please pick up. I’m at your apartment... Just please talk to me.” He panted before hanging up.

He knocks on the door, his knuckles sharp against the wood and a second later opens it to a small asian girl. He opens his mouth to speak but Rose cuts in first.

“She says she’s not here, shit, I mean, she’s not here!” Rose exclaims, messing up her words. Ben looked over her head to see the door to Rey’s room closed.

“Please Rose, I just need to talk to her… she won’t pick up her phone.” Ben pleaded, anxiously gripping his phone.

“Look, I don’t know what you did, or maybe what she did… I don’t know whatever you guys did… wait shit that’s not what I mean, I don’t want to know what you guys  _ did  _ or not I just mean, I don’t know happened to get you guys into the situation-” Rose rambled before stopping, closing her eyes, and taking a deep breath.

“What I am trying to say is, Rey told me not to let you in and as they say, sisters before misters.  _ So,  _ if you really want to talk to her, you should try again later. Sometimes Rey just needs time.” Rose said slowly, as though she were holding back each word. She gave him a small smile and then gently closed the door in his face. 

Ben slowly backed up till he hit the hallway wall and sunk to the floor, clutching his phone in his hand. Ben’s eyes felt too dry as he watched the unmoving apartment door. 

_ Fuck.  _ How had this gotten so messed up, this wasn’t how this was supposed to go. When had they gotten this so wrong? When had  _ he  _ gotten this so wrong? 

Ben’s throat tight as he thought about the situation he had gotten himself into. It felt like the world was a noose slowly being tightened around his neck. He wanted Rey. He wanted to knock down her door, tell her he loves her too and drag her off to a remote island where all they have to worry about is fishing and not getting sunburns.

He wanted to be able to tell her that it would all be alright, that he wouldn’t break her heart, that she wouldn’t break his. He wanted to tell her that he wasn’t going to leave. Ben’s lip quivered. He couldn’t tell her that, he couldn’t lie to her.

He wanted to be able to tell her that she means more to him than Russia and the Bolshoi do, and it was  _ true.  _ Ben would take Rey over a career with the Bolshoi any day, but it wasn’t up to him. 

“Ben?” Rey’s voice sounded through the door, quiet and unsure. Ben looked up, but the door was still closed.

He should respond, he should say something to her. He should explain why he can’t stay, why as much as he wants to, he has to go back to Russia or his parents will be ruined.

Ben slowly stands and takes a deep breath, looking back at the door one last time before walking back out of the building. This was for the best. Better to hurt her now then give her a false sense of hope. There was no hope. Unless Snoke dropped dead and accidentally burned the evidence against Han, Ben had to go back to Russia until Snoke decided he was worthless or until Ben was broken enough that his heart gave out. His parents would worry for him, but they would be safe. Ben's life would be painful, but it would be selfless. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! I'm sorry it took so long to update! I had really hectic and difficult exams but the semester is now over so I have time to write again! Updates should go back to a normal schedule now.
> 
> Thank you for your patience!
> 
> P.S. I'm also sorry for this chapter, please don't hate me<3
> 
> P.P.S. All comments are lovely and I don't mind any constructive criticism!


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey rested her forehead against his shoulder blade, her arms enveloping him in a sorrowful embrace. Maybe if she just didn’t let go they could stay like this forever. Suspended in the reflection of the moon and the city lights. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reminder that I don't have a beta reader so typos are quite probable.  
> enjoy!

He didn’t want her. Not in the way she wanted him. Rey knew this, Ben had shown her. She loves him and he… well, he doesn’t love her. Rey convinces herself that’s okay, or she tries to at least. They had a good friendship, and a good whatever it turned into. It was fun, they had good sex, no scratch that,  _ mindblowing  _ sex, but it’s over now and that’s fine. 

That’s what Rey repeated to herself like a mantra as the days passed, slowly creeping closer and closer to the day when Ben would be leaving. They didn’t talk, they didn’t need to. Lando had come back from vacation and had restarted teaching his classes so Rey only saw Ben a couple times a week for class. 

He still watched her like a hawk, every so once in a while Rey would feel eyes on the back of her neck and turn to see Ben watching her. Rey tried to ignore it. There was no point in entertaining her fantasies of love.

Yet, as Rey started to close down the studio after the last students had left, Rey felt panicked. Tomorrow morning Ben would be flying back to Moscow and this whole thing would be over. Rey was desperate for the morning to come, for Ben and this pain in her chest to finally be gone. 

He was still here, in studio B, probably on his way to another one of his all-nighters in the studio. Rey clenched her jaw, desperately searching for self control. She just needed to find the willpower to pick up her dance bag and leave the studio, she just needed to go home and lock the door. 

Rey’s hand dropped off the lightswitch as she turned and quietly padded down the hallway to studio B, the sounds of Rachmaninoff growing steadily louder as she approached. She stopped in the doorway of the moonlight studio and watched.

Ben danced like he was being controlled by something, like there was some higher power pushing the movements out of his body. His breaths came heavy, his pale chest shining with sweat as he moved across the floor, blissfully oblivious to her presence. 

Unable to resist, Rey slowly slipped her shoes off and walked up behind him. He was facing the window, moving his arms as though reaching for something unreachable, when Rey lightly reached her bare arms around his waist and guided him backwards. His head gently rolled back and tilted towards her as his breath caught. 

Rey rested her forehead against his shoulder blade, her arms enveloping him in a sorrowful embrace. Maybe if she just didn’t let go they could stay like this forever. Suspended in the reflection of the moon and the city lights. 

Ben turned and crouched, his brown eyes meeting hers as he gripped her hips and lifted her above his head. Rey let one leg hang down his chest and lifted her other into a split, arching her back as he balanced her. 

Rey covered Ben’s hand with her own as he held her up. It wasn’t proper form, but then again, they had never been proper had they. She just wanted to touch him. His free hand found her other hip and slowly lowered her to him. She lowered her leg, letting them drag across his torso as he slowly brought her down.

Her feet never found the floor though, he held her in suspension, just above him so his chin was level with her chest. He was looking up at her, his eyes dark and demanding. Rey made a split second decision. 

Her arms ghosted around his neck, her legs wrapping around his waist as she kissed him. It was  _ everything.  _ It had to be, this was  _ it.  _ This would be the last time she touched him, the last time she felt his heart beat against hers, the last time he’d ruin her. 

His hands came up to hold her face as he took control of the kiss, demanding more and more from her. Rey thinks he was walking, moving them somewhere but she wasn’t sure until she felt her back exposed by her low cut leotard, pressed against the cold glass of the studio window. Rey gasped in surprise from the temperature and Ben's lips left hers to kiss her neck, no perhaps it was more of a bite than a kiss. 

Rey wrapped her fingers through his hair, pulling as he attacked the spot on her neck that he’d found that first night when they thought that  _ this,  _ that  _ they  _ were somehow a good idea. 

One of his hands holds her ass, keeping her suspended while the other hand finds her breast and squeezes. Rey’s back arches away from the cold glass as he pinches her nipple, soothing the pain with soft kisses down her neck. 

Her eyes are squeezed shut, her legs gripping his waist holding his growing hard on just above her center. Ben pulls the straps of her leotard, exposing her nipples to the cold studio air but instead of touching her aching chest, he grips her hips and roughly pulls him off her. 

Rey’s bare feet hit the studio floor and she looks up at him in confusion. His eyes are dark, something in the way he’s holding himself makes him seem dangerous, as though he were a stranger and not the boy she’d grown up with. 

He grips the rollet top of her leotard where it lies, rolled up under her breasts and he walks backwards to the center of the studio, pulling her by her leotard. They don’t speak, there's nothing to say. Speaking would mean trying to put some semblance of thought into their reckless actions. 

Ben stops them and flips her around by her hips so she sees herself in the mirror. Her cheeks are red, even in the dim blue lighting. Ben stands behind her and carefully starts to pull the rest of her leotard, stripping her naked in front of the mirrored wall. The black leotard falls to her feet and Ben pushes Rey’s legs to step out from the leotard.

Ben steps around her, blocking her reflection momentarily before he drops to his knees.

“Watch.” He orders simply before pushing her legs apart, just wide enough to be second position. Rey’s left arm twitched as he breathed on her bare cunt. Ben tilted his head and gently kissed down from the side of her hip, down the soft line where her stomach met her thigh, until his lips found the front of her cunt and he pulled his lips back, gently biting the sensitive skin. 

Rey sighed, her head rolling back as she felt his thumb start drawing intoxicating circles over her clit. He froze. 

“Watch.” He demanded, reprimanding her before continuing his work.

Heat seemed to roll through her as she watched his dark head of hair tilt back and forth, knowing that he was using his tongue on her clit, trying to bring her to ruin. The corded muscles of his back shift under his skin as he moves his hand, pressing a finger inside of her. 

Ben moves forward under her parted thighs to have better access as he adds a second finger. Rey cries out from the sensation, the stretch, the sight of him kneeling underneath her yet in complete control of her. Tension builds deep in Rey’s belly as his fingers thrust in and out, her knees beginning to quiver from the feeling of his lips on her clit.

Ben puts a hand above his head, resting it on her lower abdomen, covering her entire stomach and Rey crashes over the edge. She feels her knees give out and Ben catches her in his arms but she still feels like she is falling, or maybe it’s flying. 

She comes down from her orgasm as Ben sets her face down on the grey marley floor. He kisses a line down her back until he reaches her ass and he sits up, pulling her hips off the floor and into his lap. He leans over her brushing her loose hair out of her face.

“Can you see us okay baby? I need you to watch okay? Can you watch us fuck for me?” He whispers softly into her ear as though he were whispering sweet nothings. Rey nodded, watching in the mirror as he sits back on his knees and pulls out his hard cock. 

“Fuck baby, I need you to tell me how much you want this okay? Do you fucking need me? Do you need me to fill you up?” Ben groans as he fists his hard cock. Rey’s breath felt thin from the arch in her back. For a second she almost wanted to laugh at the thought that her back flexibility was meant for performing swan lake but here she was using it to let Ben Solo fuck her on the floor of the ballet studio.

“Please Ben, please I  _ need  _ you. I-  _ fuck,  _ Ben I’m so ready, you can  _ feel  _ how ready I am just please fuck me.” Rey whined, trying to push her hips up against him, her eyes squeezing shut as she tried to focus on the sensation of his cock against her thigh. Ben leaned forward, taking her jaw in his hand, pulling her back up against his front, almost painfully suspended above the floor.

“Eyes. Open.” He whispered hoarsely into her ear as he slowly pushed into her. 

Rey desperately reached her hands to the ground for purchase as he thrust into her and she cried out. He stilled once fully inside of her, leaving her go try and catch her breath. She cursed at the feeling of him,the way he split her open, the way he was almost too much but Rey could never go back to someone else.

Rey felt a small tear slip out of her eye. This was it, this was what she wanted.  _ He  _ was what she wanted. She wanted to come home to this every night, she wanted him to be  _ hers.  _ Heaven knows, she’s his. 

“Please Ben, please move. Please fuck me. Please… I want to feel you tomorrow still, I want to feel you still when you’re on the plane to Moscow.” Rey moaned, no longer caring whether or not she sounded desperate. 

Ben reached down and pulled Rey’s arms out from under her, holding her wrists in one of his hands behind her back and lowering her chest back to the ground. Rey watched in the mirror as his hips pulled away from her, her breath catching at the sensation of his movement. His eyes flicker up to the mirror and meet hers as he thrusts back in and Rey loses herself in the feeling. 

He is slow, dragging out each moment as though acknowledging that this was the last time they would do this, that this was their goodbye. 

“Please Ben. Harder, please!” She called out as the slowly burning heat became too much. Ben reached forward, grabbing a fistfull of Rey’s hair and picked up speed. Rey watched as his cock disappeared into her with each snap of his hips.

“Fuck, you’re so fucking beautiful like this baby, you fucking take me so well…” Ben groaned, her toes curing at his words. He let go of her hands and hair and pulled out of her, leaving her to whine at the loss. Ben rolled her over onto her back and lifted up her thighs, setting her knees over his shoulder and thrust back into her. 

His face was mere inches above hers now, his deep eyes commanding her focus.

“You’re so fucking beautiful Rey… so fucking good for me… so fucking perfect…” His look gave no room for rebuttal, no room for Rey to ask  _ if I’m so perfect, why are you still leaving me? _

Rey strained her neck pulling him into a kiss, demanding him to kiss her, demanding him to make her feel like he loved her. His thrusts sped up, growing uneven and desperate causing Rey to arch her back and throw her head back. 

“I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you…” Rey’s truth started out as a whisper, growing more and more with each of his thrusts. He already knew it, he knew her secret, she might as well say the thing that’s been trying to burn its way out of her mouth for weeks. 

She shuddered on the brink as she felt his last desperate thrusts, before she crashed over the edge. Ben let her legs fall off his shoulders, pulling her onto his lap, still inside her as he finished. Rey melted over him, Her head falling to rest on his shoulder as though they were a Klimt painting. 

“I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you…” the words fell out of her mouth as she came.

Rey barely even heard his soft, pained “I know.”

She didn’t see the heavy tears misting his eyes as he held her for the last time. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quite a chapter... quite. a. chapter.  
> Once again, I love all comments and appreciate constructive criticism!  
> Also FYI, I have a twitter @Rey_Organa_Solo!  
> Hope you are all staying safe <3


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Bedroom Pas De Deux from Manon is a key part of this chapter so I highly recommend watching it before reading! It's only a couple minutes and it's on youtube, here's the link:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pyAdb6xTel8
> 
> Enjoy!

CHAPTER 23 - **Three years later** \- _Ben_

“Ben, your bow tie is crooked.” Leia scolded before reaching up and straightening his tie. Ben smiled softly as his dad rolled his eyes. 

“Come on Leia he’s twenty four, I think he can fix his own tie.” Han huffed as the elevator chimed and the reflective doors slid open and they piled out of the elevator into the Opera Hall mezzanine. Ben and Han obediently followed Leia to the ticket booth.

“Hello, I believe Ackbar reserved three tickets under the name Solo?” She smiled at the teller. At the mention of the name Solo the teller straightened his back and shot a nervous look from Leia to Ben and then back to Leia before muttering niceties and pulling three tickets out of a folder and handing them to Leia. 

“Manon is such a lovely role for Rey don’t you think?” Leia softly asks Ben as they show their tickets and file up the stairs to their booth. Ben’s breath catches at the name. 

“Yes mom, I’m sure she’ll do great.” Ben affirmed, trying to suppress his growing anxiety. An usher pulled aside the red velvet curtain and led them out onto their balcony.

“Oh hush up, that kid will do great in any role they put her in.” Han stated, sitting in one of the three chairs.

“I know she will, I just wish she were dancing for Alderaan. Of course Naboo is highly respectable but… I miss having her around…” Leia lamented as she gazed down at the orchestra pit.

“Is she still meeting us for a late dinner after this?” Han questioned. Ben felt like his tie was suddenly too tight around his neck as they spoke. 

“Oh yes! Thank goodness, I need to hear all about how life in Coruscant is treating her… it seems like just yesterday that she was sitting there on the sidewalk with skinned knees and a glare…” Leia’s words trailed off as she meandered through old memories. 

The lights in the theatre slowly dim and the orchestra tunes. The heavy curtains part and the ballet begins. The dancers seem blurry and colorless until she arrives.

Rey dances differently than she used to, her technique has been hammered into perfection from her years with Naboo, but her spirit is the same. The intoxicating light that burns out from her when she dances, as prominent as ever. 

Part of him likes to think that she’s thinking of him while she dances, that her mind is focused on the thought that he is in the audience watching her right now. The other part of him knows how selfish that is. He was the one who left her after all. 

He hadn’t seen her since that night years ago in the studio. She’d sent him a text sending her support when his dad had a heart attack. He’d sent her a happy twenty first birthday text a couple months ago. That was it. Ben couldn’t tear his eyes off her, he couldn’t stop himself from trying to notice any changes about her. 

Ben had watched Manon before, he knew the ballet, knew the character, yet no matter how prepared he was, his blood felt like boiling when the infamous pas de deux took place.  _ She’s not yours  _ he tried to remind himself as he watched Rey kiss her pas de deux partner.  _ It’s just a ballet  _ he tried to remind himself, yet he still found himself grinding his teeth as he watched. 

Ben wished it were just him and Rey here. He wanted to watch her dance, just her, just him and let the world fall away around them. The ballet came to an end too soon for his liking, before he knew it he was standing in the lobby of the theatre listening to his mom say something he couldn’t focus on because before he could process it Rey came out from a small back hallway. 

Ben freezes, his lips parting at the sight in front of him. Her chestnut hair is still up in its low bun, the long line of her neck tracing down to a dusty pink dress. She’d taken most of her stage makeup off but her eyes were still emphasized by the remnants of dark eyeliner. Her expression was frozen for just a moment too long as she looked at him before it morphed into a soft smile and she walked over to embrace Leia in a hug. Leia squeezed Rey affectionately before letting her move to hug Han. 

“You did spectacularly Rey.” Leia said affectionately as Rey let go of Han and turned to Ben. Her face morphed into emotion as she looked up at him, Ben couldn’t tell what emotion, maybe it was all of them. Her expression breaks into a heart melting smile and she steps towards him to hug him. Her small arms hold him and for a split second he feels as though maybe if he were to just tell her the truth, she would find it in her heart to forgive him and it would all be okay. She pulls away

“I wasn’t sure if I dressed okay, you mentioned we were going somewhere nice…” Rey explained, turning back to his mom.

“You look amazing, don't worry about it. We’re going to Kanata, it’s an old friend of mine's restaurant,  _ delectable  _ steaks.” Leia said, her eyes bright with joy as she started to lead them out into the humid summer night. Leia badgers Rey with questions all through the short taxi ride and into the restaurant. 

Maz greets them cheerfully as they arrive at the restaurant and makes comment of how much Ben has grown in the last fifteen years. Ben tries to ignore the way Rey’s knee brushes across his calf as she shifts in her chair to look at his mother.

“How is Ackbar treating you?” Leia asked once they were all seated. 

“He’s a very good teacher.” Rey responded with a gracious smile. Ben tried to ignore the way the dim lighting of the restaurant flickered over her hazel eyes as she spoke.

“And are you living alone here or do you have flatmates?” Mom pressed.

“I live alone now that I’ve had my promotion, before that I was living with some girls from the company.” Rey explained.

Ben tore his eyes away from Rey and the way her delicate fingers wrapped around the base of her wine glass. He wasn’t going to do this, he wasn’t going to sit here pitying himself for his own actions. He let her go, no he pushed her away, and now he has to live with that. 

“Where are you living?” Leia asked, ever prying for details. 

“Up in the North end, by the river” Rey responded as her ankle accidentally brushed against his under the table.

“Oh wonderful, wonderful. I’ve heard the North end was always my favorite part of town back in my young days. Ben, do you remember when we lived in the North end? You must’ve been what, maybe five when we left?” Leia elaborated, taking a small sip of her wine as she expectantly looked at her son. 

“Not really. I think I might remember seeing you in Swan Lake here once but that might just be because I’ve seen the video so much.” Ben admitted to his mother. He thought back to vivid memories of being a child dragged from rehearsal to rehearsal, from company to company. It wasn’t until Ben was eight that Leia decided to start Alderaan and they finally settled down. 

Ben always felt resentful of his mother when he was young. He wanted to be a normal kid, to stay in one place and get to hang out with kids after school instead of going to the studio to train. He wanted to have fun, he wanted someone to  _ want _ to have fun with him. It wasn’t until Rey sat down next to him in the back seat of the falcon, a strange girl with skinned knees and a splattering of freckles, that he started to feel like he had that person. That person that wanted to be with him, to play with him, to sneak around the studio with him, to care more about _ him _ than about _ ballet _ . 

“Have any of the company members caught your eye? I’ll always stand by the fact that Naboo has the hottest dancers…” Han teeses Rey with a wink to Leia.

Rey’s cheeks go red and Ben digs his nails into his palm under the table.  _ She’s not yours.  _

“I- um, I haven’t quite found the right person yet.” Rey faltered. 

Ben felt like throwing up his steak. He  _ knew  _ it was stupid of him, but some part of him still wanted to be the  _ right person  _ that Rey spoke of. It was selfish and cruel, to want her to be hung up on him or heartbroken over his absence in her life. Only a monster wouldn’t want her to move on. 

He searched her body language for some semblance of sadness, some clue that secretly she wanted him back. He watched as her chest rose and fell with each steady breath and the necklace on her neck glimmered in the movement.  _ Fuck.  _

What kind of person would come waltzing back into her life and want her to be heartbroken, or maybe worse, what kind of person would waltz back into her life and be filled with the overwhelming urge to wrap a hand over her necklace and bring her to orgasm. What kind of person wouldn’t be able to tear their mind off of leaving marks on her neck from pressing the small jewels against her neck. 

“Well Rey, it was wonderful to see you again, truly. Remember that there is  _ always  _ a place for you at Alderaan if you want it.” Leia said as they stood up to leave. Leia pulled Rey into a maternal hug. 

“Thank you Leia, and thank you for inviting me to dinner, it was lovely.” Rey smiled down at her mentor. 

“You’re welcome kid.” Han chuckled patting Rey on the shoulder. 

Ben re buttoned his suit jacket to keep himself distracted. The familiar panic of saying goodbye to Rey filled his bones with an ache, a need, a primal instinct to reach out for her and never let her go like a drowning man clinging to a life raft. 

“Ben, what if you walk Rey back to her apartment? It’s only proper since we’ve kept her out so late.” Leia suggested in that voice that only Leia Organa could do. Her voice that said “this may sound like a suggestion but you do  _ not  _ want to say no.”

“Oh, there’s no need, I’ll be perfectly safe.” Rey assured casting a contemplating look up at Ben before turning back to his mother.

“I insist darling, besides Ben here could use the exercise! You know those Russian’s always let their ballet dancers get so out of shape!” Leia laughed.

“Very well.” Rey conceded, giving Han and Leia a final goodbye hug. They wave goodbye and leave Rey and Ben standing alone on the streetlight cobblestone sidewalk. 

The humid summer air feels intoxicating as Ben looks down at Rey for direction. Her eyes are wide and as they roam over him.

“It’s this way.” She practically whispers as she breaks her eye contact to start leading him down the street. They walk in silence, it’s better not to speak. She doesn’t want to be here with him and he tries to convince himself that he feels the same.

It isn’t long before the humidity consolidates into fat sprinkles of rain that stick to Rey’s eyelashes. She licks her lips, tasting the fresh raindrops that landed there. Ben swallows. 

“At least it’s not pouring.” Rey offers up with a wary glance at the faded purple sky. Ben nods in agreement, too distracted by  _ her  _ to formulate thoughts of his own. 

“We’re not far now, just a couple more blocks…” Rey blurts out, as though Ben were wishing this walk were _ shorter _ instead of the other way around. 

Ben nods in agreement once again. There’s no point in speaking to her, there’s no point in causing himself more pain. If he just holds the act up for a bit longer, he’ll eventually be able to convince himself that it’s real, that he doesn’t actually care about her anymore. 

As though punishing him for his foolishness, a loud clap of thunder sounds and Rey lets out a startled yelp as the bright flash of lightning streaks by overhead. After a second of stillness the sky opens and the rain starts to fall like a waterfall.

“Fuck!” Rey curses, reaching out to grab Ben’s hand before she starts to run, dragging him through the streets beside her through the pouring rain. Ben grips her hand in his and follows after her as the rain starts to soak into her dress, turning it from pastel pink to a dark rose color, the color of Rey’s nipples Ben thinks. Fuck. 

The summer rain soaks them as they race through the streets and Ben thinks back to that rainy night,years ago when Rey let Ben give her a ride back to her apartment back when he had just come back from Moscow. 

Rey’s building is made of a pale carved limestone that reflects the street lanterns in the rain. Rey punches in a code at the door and pulls him into the building behind her. He doesn’t ask why she’s bringing him inside and she doesn’t offer an explanation. He follows her up the stairs and into her apartment. Rey slams the heavy apartment door shut behind him and turns to face him, standing several feet away from him. 

The rain running down her windows casts dark shifting shadows through the living room. Rey looks pale in the cold light coming through the windows. Ben swears he sees a shiver run through her body as she stands there in her soaked dress. 

“Take my dress off.” Rey whispers, her eyes piercing into him as she watches him react to her words. It takes Ben only a second to be standing behind her, slowly pulling down the gold zipper of her dress. The rain drops reflect into her back from the windows as he exposes her skin. 

The zipper ends and the dress falls to the pale wood floor. 

“Take my shoes off.” Rey whispers, turning her head back towards him just enough for him to see the corner of her mouth move with her words. 

Ben drops to his knees behind her. His head drops down to her knee as he fiddles with the straps of her heels before slipping them off her feet one at a time. He sets them delicately next to her before he stands back up, towering over her as she stands nearly naked with her back to him.

“Take off my underwear.” She whispers.

Ben lets his hands find her waist, his fingers ghosting down the sides of her before reaching the black lace and pulling the underwear down over her hips till it falls to the ground. He takes a step to the side of her and bends over, lifting one of her legs individually to take the dress and panties out from under her and set them neatly with her shoes. He takes off his jacket placing it with the rest.

He straightens back up, resuming his post behind her before rolling up the sleeves of his suit shirt so the folded just under his elbow.

“Take off my necklace.” She finally whispers. 

“No.” Ben responds, reached a hand around her neck to cover the necklace. Her throat is small, entirely covered by his hand. She lets out a shuddering breath at his movement. He leans over to kiss the corner of her brow. 

“The necklace stays on.” He commands.

He doesn’t squeeze, he doesn’t pinch at the sides of her neck, he just holds his hand there. Showing her that she’s  _ his,  _ if not in life then at least in this moment. Showing her that he  _ could  _ make her come like this, reminding her that deep down, she  _ wants  _ him to make her come while his hand is wrapped around her throat. 

Ben clenches his jaw as he reaches his other hand around and pinches her nipple. She shudders. 

He snakes his hand down across her belly and down to reach her cunt. She moans. 

“You’re so fucking  _ wet.”  _ He groans as he pulls his wet middle finger across her clit and up across her belly leaving a damp trail as it went. Rey pushed her way around to face him, her eyes shining gold as looked up at him. He tightened his grip on her throat, using his thumb to push her jaw up, forcing her to tilt her head before he loosened it again. 

She fixed him with an air of challenge and walked him backwards, pushing him as though she were the one with a hand on his throat. He hits the sliding glass door to the balcony as she pushes up on her toes and kisses him. 

She doesn’t kiss the way she used to. 

She kisses him like she is trying to take his soul and keep him prisoner, like she’s a siren trying to get him to jump off his boat just for the chance to be with her. Frustration floods his blood as Ben realises he  _ would  _ jump off the boat for her, without a second thought. 

Ben pulls her off him and still holds her by the neck as though his hand were a collar he turns and opens the balcony door. He pulls Rey out after him into the rain and hears her gasp as she feels the rain on her naked body. 

The balcony is dark as he drags her through the rain until they reach the metal table by the edge. He reaches for Rey and lifts her, placing her on the table. The Rey he used to know would be pointing out the fact that from the right angle they could be seen from the street right now, but Rey doesn’t say anything. No, she reaches down and cups the growing tent in his pants, her eyes fixed on his as she does. It’s a challenge. 

Ben lets go of her neck in favor of pushing her back against the table and dropping to his knees in front of her. He holds her still in the rain as his mouth finds her hot cunt.

He fucking  _ missed this.  _ He feels the rain soaking his white shirt, he sees the hard raindrops landing on Rey making her nipples hard. He licks at her clit, drawing rough patterns on her as she writhes, trying to stay quiet so nobody will look up and find her naked, spread eagle on her balcony.

He feels her thighs start to twitch and groans at the satisfaction of making her lose control. This is where they’re supposed to be. Lying in the rain in Naboo with his head buried between her thighs. 

“Ben!” She calls out as he pushes two fingers into her and he groans against her core at the feeling of her tight cunt wrapped around him. Her hands cover his on her waist as she tries to move her hips against him, desperate to get fucked. He holds his fingers inside of her, not moving them, not giving her the friction she desperately needs. 

“Ben please!” She cries out, still trying to twist and push her hips against his hand. His mouth leaves her cunt. 

“What do you want Rey?” He asks over the dark rain.

“Fuck me Ben! You know that’s what I want.” She begs. Ben stands and leans over her scooping her into her arms and carrying her back into the apartment, sliding the heavy glass door behind them. She whispers where her room is and he carries her there, throwing her down on the white bed before stripping off his now transparent white shirt.

He undoes his belt as she watches him, still sprawled out in the way he tossed her, her body still shining from the rainwater. He drops his pants and climbs onto the bed over her. 

He covers her this way, held in suspension over by his arms. The way she is curled underneath him goes straight to his cock, the way she looks up at him in wonder after everything he’s put her through, after everything he  _ is  _ putting her through. He leans down and finds her mouth with his, drawing out a heated kiss.

He sits up, pushing her back to the mattress when she tries to sit up with him. His hand wraps around her neck again, covering the sparkling necklace that still hangs there. He reaches down and lifts her left leg over so that she is spread straddling his thighs. He bends down over her, reveling in the way her blush spreads from her cheeks to her tits. 

Ben hovers over her soft mouth for a moment before she speaks. 

“Don’t kiss me. That’s not what this is.” She mutters, her fingers coming up to ghost over the line of his jaw. 

“I wasn’t going to.” He lies as he reaches down and aligns himself with her entrance. Still gripping her neck, he leans forward and nips the lobe of her ear. 

“Say  _ lunch  _ if you need me to stop.” He whispers. She nods and he presses into her. Rey lets out a guttural moan as he hilts himself in her tight cunt. Ben’s brain goes white hot with the sensation of being inside her. 

Using one hand to prop himself up over her and the other hand on her neck to keep her still, he sets a slow, punishing pace. She wants it faster, he knows she does, she always did, but this isn’t up to her right now. No, he keeps it slow, feeling the delicious drag of her walls on his cock. He looks down and freezes. 

“Holy fuck… baby, I can  _ see  _ myself. Fuck… did you know you can  _ see  _ it when I fuck you?” Ben says in awe, looking down at the faint shape showing through her abdomen. He started fucking back into her, unable to resist as he looked down at where they joined. 

“Do you  _ feel it?  _ Do you fucking  _ feel  _ what I do to you Rey? Have you missed this? Have you missed the way my cock splits you open?” Ben groaned, looking intently down at her shifting eyes and parted pink lips. 

Rey frantically nods as Ben pulls out and flips her over. He puts a hand under her abdomen and pulls her hips off the mattress with the other hand. She cries out as he thrust back into her, hitting that spot that always makes her fall apart. 

“Have you found someone who makes you feel this way? Have you found someone to replace me? To replace my cock?” His words are cruel, he knows they are… but some part of him, the same part that is desperate for her love, wants her to be hurt. He wants to know that he’s not the only broken by them, he wants to know that she feels even just a fraction of the pain he feels because of her. 

She pulls out of his grasp, slithering out of his hold until she sits up on her knees in front of him, almost taller than him at this angle as she furiously stares down at him. This time it’s  _ her  _ hand that comes up to  _ his  _ neck. It barely covers the front but the message is clear, the passion is clear. 

“Fuck you, Ben. You have _ no fucking idea. _ ” Her voice sounds tight, like she’s on the brink of crying but her eyes filled with burning fury. Her hands come to his shoulders and she pushes him down onto the mattress. 

He watches he lithe form climb on top of him and sees her sink down onto his length, her eyes fluttering momentarily as he fills her. Before he can process the feeling of her at this angle, she starts to move, her abs shifting with each stroke up and down. 

“You have no fucking idea what you’ve done to me…” Rey seethes as she moves on top of him, her fingernails scratching across his chest leaving stinging lines behind them. Ben hands find her hips and help to lift her and pull her back down. 

Ben feels it as his abdomen grows tight and her cunt starts to twitch around him. He sits up, wrapping his arms around her torso, holding her still, skin pressed against skin as he makes the final thrusts. 

“I’ve tried  _ so hard,  _ I’ve tried so fucking hard to find someone. I’ve tried so hard to forget you but I  _ can’t.  _ Every man I try to fuck, every man I try to love just makes me think  _ this isn’t Ben.  _ I can’t-” Her voice is shaking as she wraps her arms around his shoulders. He feels her hot tears against his neck as she hides her face there. 

Ben reaches a hand down to stroke her clit, Rey clenches around him, her thighs quivering around him as she’s thrown over the edge. Her arms envelope him as he comes, her back arches, pressing her torso against him as they come down from the high. 

Her forehead is still tucked under his chin as they hold each other. Her voice is soft when she speaks, as though she’s trying not to cry even though she’s already passed that point. 

“I hate you.” Her three words are quiet, they’re not for the world to hear, just him. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *whispers* i'm so sorry...  
> I promise it will get better!  
> I hope you are all staying safe and sane <3
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/reyorganasolo


	24. Chapter 24

CHAPTER 24 -  _ Ben _

Her words cut him, cracking his soul like a bleeding pomegranate. He deserved it. He deserved to be hated, she deserved to hate him for all he’d done to her. They sat on her bed with her on his lap, embracing each other, they would look like lovers to anyone who didn’t know her hatred.

Eventually, she lifted her head off his shoulder to look up at him. Her face was wet with tears, her lip still quivering as she searched his face. He wanted to say something, he wanted to soothe her pain, he wanted to tell her that even if she hates him, he will  _ always  _ love her. He wanted to kiss away her pain and never leave her again, he wanted to protect her. 

“I hate you.” Rey repeats softly, her voice scratchy from crying. She brushed her fingers over his cheek, over the harsh like of his cheekbone, down the bridge of his nose, softly over his bottom lip. 

“Close your eyes.” She whispered. Ben closed them, trying to overcome the fear that she would be gone when he opened them. He felt her soft fingertips ghost over the lids of his eyes as though his face were a mountain scape she was trying to map. 

Ben felt her breath as she neared him, her fingers going to draw a delicate line down his jaw as she pressed her lips to his. It was an innocent kiss, soft and gentle. It was like their first kiss, when they were kids sitting in the hot summer sun outside of the studio, trading their lunch foods and playing with the ants that wandered the rusted brick sidewalk. 

That kiss had ended in an explosion of giggles. Ben remembers thinking  _ this  _ is kissing?  _ This  _ is what everyone talked about? He had been confused, he liked Rey, she was his best friend but why did people want to kiss so much? They had sat next to each other and leaned towards each other, pressing their lips to each other’s for just a second before falling into bellyaching fits of laughter. 

This kiss wouldn’t end like that. 

Her lips leave his and her forehead comes to rest against his. Her breath is warm against his face as she speaks. 

“It’s been  _ three years  _ and you’re still all I can think about. It’s like you’re a part of me I can’t seem to cut out. I couldn’t do it when you left the first time and I couldn’t do it three years ago either and I- I  _ want  _ to wish I never met you. I wish I could say that I would be better off if I’d never met you, if Leia had left me with Plutt but its not true… it’s not true. You- you’re like a  _ part of me _ I wouldn’t be  _ me  _ without you. You were my first friend, my first crush, my first kiss, my first love, but you’re not  _ here  _ anymore. I can’t be with you but I can’t be without you, I feel like you’ve been imprinted in my soul, it’s fucking  _ awful.  _ I feel like I’ve been cursed to always have a piece of me missing, to always be alone.” Rey’s confession is rambling and unrehearsed and it makes Ben’s blood feel like acid. 

He wraps his arms around her tighter and pulls her against his chest, tucking her head under his chin. The rain falls heavily against her bedroom windows, reflecting the street lanterns in little flashes of white and pink.

“You’re not alone.” He murmurs stroking her soft hair.

“Yes, I am.” She responds, her voice muffled against his chest. He needs to tell her. He  _ needs  _ to tell her. 

“Rey, I- I need to tell you something.” He starts, still in disbelief at what he’s about to say, what he’s about to  _ do.  _

“Don’t. Please don’t, you’ll just make it worse.” Rey pleads, her voice cracking as she tries to stop him from speaking. 

“No Rey, you need to hear this. I- I should’ve told you so fucking long ago… So I’m going to tell you this, and then I’m going to leave and let you think about it. I know this is asking too much but I need you to not tell anybody, and if you can’t forgive me, I understand but I need to tell you and I need you to think about it.” Ben explains, watching her face move in confusion as she pulls away from his chest to look at him. 

He felt her heartbeat pounding away under his palms on the back of her ribcage. He tried to focus on it, trying to use the rhythm to soothe his building terror as he tried to find the right words to explain himself to her. 

“You know how my father grew up in the streets of Corellia… how he didn’t know his parents and spent most of his time trying to avoid Child Protective services?” Ben asked, stroking his fingers up and down her back softly for some sense of comfort. 

Rey nods, her eyes wide with anticipation and worry as she awaits his next words. 

“He- he got swept up in a small crime ring. Just selling drugs, not anything violent and it was just until he got enough money to get out of there but… Snoke somehow got tipped off with proof of dad’s crimes and- He sent me a letter when I turned eighteen saying I needed to move to Moscow and join his company or my dad would be exposed and- Rey, dad would go to  _ jail.  _ You know how his heart is, he couldn’t handle that and I couldn’t do that to him, or to mom for that matter… Rey, I  _ had  _ to go.” Ben’s voice broke as he spoke, his words coming out uneven as he tried to hold his tears back and steady his breathing. 

Rey’s eyebrows knit together, her face morphing into disgust. Ben looked away. He knew this was coming, he knew that if she didn’t already, this would make her hate him forever. Of course she was disgusted, she had every right to be. 

“I-  _ fuck.  _ I messed up Rey, I messed up really bad. I didn’t want to go, I didn’t want to leave my mom, I didn’t want to leave dad, I didn’t want to leave  _ you.  _ I should’ve been there for you, I hate myself that I wasn’t there to help you, I hate that I abandoned you and that I did it  _ twice…”  _ Ben closed his eyes, unable to bear the look of anger that was building on her face as he spoke. 

“You don’t know how hard it was to go back to Moscow after I came back home, after I came back to you. I know Snoke will break me, I know that I’ll never get out of there alive, I came to terms with that as soon as I got his letter… I’m at peace with letting him hurt me but I can’t keep hurting you. I can’t forgive myself for hurting you. I’m a fucking  _ monster. _ ” Ben’s tears rolled down his cheeks as he squeezed his eyes shut, his voice quivering with pain as he spoke. 

“I love you.” He whispered in shame. She deserves so much better than someone like him, someone who had done the things he had done. 

Rey sat, deathly still in his arms. He couldn’t look. He couldn’t open his eyes to see her look of hatred. 

“I love you.” He whispered again, the weight of the secret rolled off his shoulders as though it were the world and he were Atlas. It was his burden, his love was his punishment. 

Her weight shifted in his lap and he was filled with burning dread before her small arms wrapped around his neck and gently pulled his head against her chest. Ben’s last strand of composure broke as he felt her lean her head down, pressing her cheek agains the top of his head as her gentle fingers stroked his hair. 

Ben’s sobs were angry and uneven, letting years of suppressed pain and self hatred leave his body with each broken wave of tears. 

She didn’t shush him, she just let him cry, holding him in her arms, letting him feel her heartbeat against his cheek. His breaths slowed, occasionally still skipping in his chest as he calmed. Eventually her arms slipped down, her hands framing his face as he opened his eyes to look at her. Her chin quivered as she looked at him.

“I can’t forgive you Ben, nobody can because you  _ didn’t do anything wrong.  _ Listen to me, there is  _ nothing to forgive. _ ” He wanted to look away, he wanted to block her words out, it felt like she was pulling back the layers of his skin, the layers of his protection and looking at his bare form, staring right into his twisted soul. 

“Ben, you need to tell your parents… I need you to go back to your hotel and tell them okay? You can’t keep this to yourself. You are  _ so  _ strong but Ben, you can’t sacrifice the rest of your life to Snoke… you’re worth more than that. You need to stand up against him but you won’t be alone okay? I’ll be here by your side, your parents will be too. Ben... ” Rey’s voice broke as she said his name, she couldn’t seem to find the right words to express what she was feeling. 

“Rey, I  _ can’t.  _ There’s no point in telling them, there’s nothing they can do… either they just blame themselves or my dad turns himself and then all this will have been for nothing.” Ben argued, desperately trying to make her understand. 

“Did you love me?” She croaks, her meaning is clear. Did he love her when she told him she loved him. Did he love her when he made her believe he didn’t. 

The pain in her eyes is unbearable. He did this. He put that pain there. He looks away, desperate to make the guilt stop building up in his throat. 

“Did you love me when I told you I loved you? Were you trying to make me think you didn’t so I wouldn’t be hung up on you?” She asked again, already knowing the answer. 

“Yes.” The word burns as he says it. 

“And now you want to do the same thing to your parents? Ben you need to tell them. You can’t put them through what you put me through, Ben you can’t protect them from this.” Rey demands, her voice shaky with emotion. 

“It’s not worth it, it’s not worth the pain it would cause them.” Ben argues desperately. 

“Don’t say that. It is worth it Ben,  _ you’re  _ worth it.” Rey looks him dead in the eyes as she speaks. 

“I don’t understand how you can forgive me…” Ben says, lifting her hands off his face, cradling them in his own. 

Rey’s lips find his and his shoulders fall slack. She’s gentle, careful and soft as she kisses him. She pushes him back down onto her bed, still straddling him. She leans over him and continues kissing him, the tension in his body loosens with each movement of her lips.

“I love you Ben.” She murmurs before returning to his lips. 

Ben thinks he might understand her words, he might understand how she can forgive him. His heart feels heavy with the thought that she might feel the same way about him as he does for her. It couldn’t be possible for her to love him as much as  _ he _ loves _ her _ of course, but maybe she feels a fraction of it… maybe she feels enough of it to make his mistakes forgivable. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The secrets are coming out!!!
> 
> I also made a Ko_Fi so in case you would like to commission a piece or just help support, you can do so here: https://ko-fi.com/reyorganasolo
> 
> I love all comments and I'm sorry if I don't respond to them immediately, I haven't been receiving email notifications for all of them for some reason. 
> 
> Hope you are all staying safe and sane <3


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